Image by Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One part of mothering that is just now dawning on me is the continual progression of motherhood.
A woman does not instantly become the mother she’s always dreamed of being just because she brings her newborn baby home. A mother must learn and grow, sometimes through painful experiences, many times caused by her own mistakes.
But the beauty of mothering is that we can learn from our mistakes and make real changes in our behavior and our approach to mothering over time, all of which becomes a blessing to our families!
I would suppose that many readers can already pinpoint real changes that they’ve made since their start in the mothering field, and perhaps you can even identify the primary influence that inspired those changes. I, for one, would like to hear about them.
QUESTION: What is one significant change you have made in yourself as a mother?
CHALLENGE: Choose one thing you would like to change in your mothering and focus on that this week.
Like you, I’ve also found that family life isn’t just a marathon, it’s a steeple chase. It has dips and pits and very difficult hurdles, cliffs to climb and, occasionally, oceans to cross and moons to travel to. And, since it’s family life, it’s like the whole family is tied together in one big blob as they attempt to run the course!
I’ve noticed that, although I fancied myself fairly patient before I got married, that the sudden submersion into marriage and family life exposed a trillion areas I needed to grow in. I’ve learned that family members sometimes have no idea where they’re heading or any awareness that they’re in a steeple chase at all. So, I’d have to say that awareness and acceptance of my role in “Functional Blob Management” is something I’ve grown a bit more adept at through time, yet there’s still 999, 999, 999, 990 more areas to master at least!
I’ve learned to finally let some things go.
When my first daughter started walking, I followed her around the house, picking up each toy, gathering each tissue she pulled out of the box and threw on the ground, and shutting every cupboard she opened. It was exhausting.
My children are old enough to clean up after themselves now, but I’ve found that I have to be okay with EVERYTHING not getting done just the way I want it. As I focus on relationships and the things that matter most, the dust and fingerprints don’t get cleaned as quickly, but I am a much happier person.
In one word, I guess I could say I’ve learned to relax.
I tell my kids I love them much more than I used to. I just hadn’t developed the habit before I was a mother. It wasn’t a part of what I knew to do. But I started hearing more and more counsel at church about telling and showing our children that we love them, so I made a more conscious effort just to say the words, at first, and try to show more affection.
Now I daresay I have a habit of telling my children, often, that I love them, and showering them with hugs and kisses. It’s not even something that I have to think about anymore–now I just can’t contain those expressions! I can definitely attest to the power of expressing love, even just simply saying the words. My relationships with each of my kids, and especially with the oldest, have drastically improved!
I have let go of “the always on the run” feeling. I have learned that chores can wait until later & will wait. It’s more important to be with my kids & enjoy them & then do chores, laundry (they will always be there).
I have learned that my babies come first — over volunteering, part time jobs, etc…It took a LONG time and hard lessons. I thought volunteering on the ambulance/rescue and helping my neighbors was so important that the kids would understand why I left them and always studied but they did NOT. My relationship with my babies is so much better now–NOTHING is more important than your family–NOTHING.