Image by Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The kids have been sick: tonsillitis for some, just a cold for others. As a tribute to how much they love me, the kids passed on their illnesses to me. (Ah, the sweet gifts of motherhood!) I’m coming to the tail end of it now, but I have no voice. And the best part is, my husband is away working. So I’m a single-ish parent with no voice.
It’s funny how things can change in a household when Mom can’t express herself vocally in any way or any situation. Believe it or not, with my voice being absent, our household has become a calmer place. Weird, I know.
I’ve often heard that if you speak softly to children they have no choice but to calm down and listen. Sure I believed it, and it was great in theory, but I always tended to lose my patience before I could put it to work in practice. Now I have no choice, and believe it or not, it’s true! Children—well, mine at least—tend to respond better to soft spoken (or squeaked) words.
In addition, I don’t know if they are just in tune to the fact that I don’t feel well so they want to be super-extra-specially-nice, but hugs have increased tenfold. I like to think it’s because of the peaceful blanket that seems to have surrounded our house. Only time will tell.
Either way, I like this transformation. I’m enjoying the dynamic shift. It took me getting laryngitis to learn some patience and understanding. I am actually thankful for the opportunity. Blessings sometimes come in the strangest wrapping, don’t they?
QUESTION: Have you ever tried the “soft-spoken” approach with your kids?
CHALLENGE: Try to make it one whole day without raising your voice.
Submitted on 6-8-2010 at 02:11pm
Great lesson, Tamara! I’ve lost my voice a few times, and I end up clapping a lot to get my children’s attention, and then when I try to tell them what I’m thinking, they are so much more responsive, as well. I’m trying really hard to keep my voice calm. Sometimes I’ll slip and hear my volume increase, but when I’m really paying attention to how I’m speaking, I can immediately stop, rephrase, retry, etc. The best result, for me, is that when my children yell at each other, I can say, “We don’t yell at anyone. Do I yell at you?” Then when they say, “No.” I say, “Well, if you want me to start yelling, I guess I could. Would you like that?” One time they said yes, so I yelled and yelled for five minutes, and they were on the floor laughing. It’s not easy to control ourselves, but it’s so worth it.
Submitted on 6-7-2010 at 11:16pm
What an amazing story! I’ve been thinking of this since I read it a couple of days ago. I too have been trying to stop raising my voice with my kids (who sometimes appear to be deaf). Today, when I hollered my son’s name from another room, in the hopes of getting him to follow some directive that he was ignoring, I thought of this article and realized that if I only think “What would I do if I had laryngitis?” I could learn to be more polite!
Submitted on 6-5-2010 at 01:43am
I contracted Whooping Cough in January, along with my 2 youngest daughters, and it has been the single most violent physical experience of my life. While the really acute coughing spasms slowed down somewhat after about 100 days, I’ve been told it could be up to 2 years before our lungs are commpletely healed. Anyway… now when I try and shout, I cough! My eyes water and I splutter and choke. Once the spasm starts it is irresistable. I’ve coughed so hard I passed out. Makes me really aware of how much I have relied on raising my voice in managing my children, as I’m now trying to avoid raising my voice at all costs. I’ll be trying very hard to maintain a no shouting habit, even when the last of my lung damage has healed.
Submitted on 6-4-2010 at 08:23pm
How funny! I am currently voiceless too (after a stressful move, birthday parties and visitors from out of town). And you’re right – I’ve tried so many times to raise my voice these last few days and realized how LOUDLY I talk to my children. And how often. I wish I’d had your presence of mind to see it as a gift. Instead I just kept squawking – trying to squeak something out loud enough for my kids to hear. Maybe with a shift in perspective, we’ll have a little more peace… thank you!