Visions, Patience, and the Baby Phase

 

I’ve had visions of the kind of mom I wanted to be for years. (Like, most of the 14 years that I’ve actually been a mom.)

Not the dreamy little-girl kind of rocking a sweet smelling baby to sleep with a soft lullaby, but the more realistic grown-up kind of being sufficiently organized, and having a sense of order and control in a home of crazy, chaotic children.

These visions used to keep me up at night. Literally. 

On especially trying days when it seemed like I didn’t have a single hands-free moment, or the luxury of being alone with my own thoughts (essential for planning how and when to do all this Supermom-ish stuff), my brain would wake me up in the middle of the night and show me what I can only call “visions” of some parallel reality where I was getting stuff done.

I would revel in seeing myself organizing the toy closet, living by a schedule, de-junking the storage room, decorating my children’s bedrooms, making well-balanced meals, teaching my children how to clean the bathrooms, or setting up a functional home office. (These were my nighttime visions? I know. Someone please say I’m not alone!)

At night, my overactive brain would “do” the things that my otherwise engaged body couldn’t do during the day. I’ve heard that the brain doesn’t know the difference between a dream and reality, so I’ve often wondered if my middle-of-the-night visions were nothing more than my subconscious trying to get some sense of satisfaction in the face of my daytime reality which was . . . much different.

During the day while my heart and brain were screaming to do something (anything!) from start to finish without interruption, my body was busy holding a fussy baby, wiping noses and behinds, cleaning up the same messes seventeen times in a row, bathing and dressing little bodies, preparing snacks and sippy cups, getting children in and out of the car seat/highchair/baby swing/stroller, and making sure the toddler didn’t accidentally get herself killed. (Oh, how quickly we forget the constant vigilance required to keep those toddlers alive!)

This hysterically mesmerizing video made by Power of Moms author, Catherine Averseth (mother to five children under four years old–two sets of twins), shows all too well what a typical “hands full” morning routine can look like with lots of little ones in the house:

(Do you feel grateful for your own morning routine now?)

When I was in my own trenches of babyhood, my nighttime visions gave me hope. And because I knew that there was a big difference between knowing what I wanted to do and actually having the time and energy to do it, I held onto those visions for another day (ahem, year . . . okay let’s be honest: Decade) when I would have more freedom to think, plan, and actually do the stuff I could only accomplish at the time in my head in the middle of the night.

I guess you could say I was taking a very intense and long lasting course in Patience.

Now, you may be one of those mothers who can handle having babies and doing “everything else” with no problem. Or you may have had a small number of children born close enough together that you find yourself out of the “hands full” stage within a few short years. More to the point, maybe you are the type that loves the stage of motherhood that provides you with a chance to hold and snuggle a little baby all day long.

If so, I’m not writing this for you.

I’m writing this for the moms who, while full of love for their children and a desire to be the best moms they can be, find themselves struggling through the baby phase feeling as if they’re waiting. Waiting and looking forward to the day when they will be able to do more of the things that match their own vision of what “fulfilling motherhood” looks like.

I don’t mean to promote the idea that the doing of those early years is any less important than the doing of the later years. Not in the least! But it can be more or less fulfilling for some mothers based on their personalities and life circumstances. I just happen to be the kind of mom that prefers mothering school age children who can reason and communicate verbally. (And wipe their own bottoms. And feed themselves. And sleep all night without assistance.)

So as crazy as it sounds, it’s taken me 14 years to get to the point where my day-to-day life looks a little like those “visions” I’ve been having for so many years. The good news is that it didn’t take nearly as long for me to learn to enjoy the baby phase–even if it wasn’t my favorite. With two other children growing before my eyes, I finally figured out that I could experience the baby phase of motherhood with a sense of contented patience rather than a feeling of waiting for something better to come along.

And I guess that’s my simple hope today: That the mothers who aren’t particularly fond of the baby phase can still learn to value–and even enjoy–the experience they are having by applying a healthy dose of patience. The next phase will come soon enough. It always does! So why not kick back and enjoy the one you are in as much as possible? (Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell you to enjoy every single second because it goes by way too fast. For a fantastic article on this very thing, click here.)

So keep dreaming and planning. Keep your hopes alive and well. They will be waiting for you.

QUESTION: What does your vision of “fulfilling motherhood” look like? Do you feel like you are experiencing that in your current stage of motherhood, or do you need to have a little more patience while simply enjoying the stage you’re in? Do you love the baby phase or feel like you’re just “waiting” to move on?

CHALLENGE: If you’re like me and don’t feel as much personal  fulfillment in the baby phase, try to remember that this stage will absolutely come to an end no matter what so you might as well enjoy it!

About Allyson Reynolds

A Midwest girl, Allyson met a California boy in Japan, and after getting married and living in all three places together, they have spent the better part of the last decade in the Mountain West with their four children, ages 11-21. After many years of writing and speaking about motherhood for the Power of Moms organization, Allyson now produces The Sisterhood Podcast with long time Power of Moms friend, Tiffany Sowby. Along with creating episodes that focus on empowering and entertaining women, they hold monthly “Service & Sweets” events up and down the Wasatch front where they gather women to serve at a different service organization every month followed by a visit to a local treat shop. (For more information and to get involved, find them on
Instagram.

In a parallel universe, Allyson travels the world as a freelance writer and National Geographic photographer. In reality, she tries to squeeze in as many of her favorite things as possible (the great outdoors, photography, biking, cooking, living like a tourist) while trying to keep up with her busy family. Though woefully neglected, you can occasionally catch up with her on her blog, A Day in the Life and on the local daytime TV show, Studio 5