Photo submitted by Rachel Denning
Wails escaped from the lips of four of my five children. They gathered around Daddy, and he instinctively pulled them close.
“I just want to go hooooome.”
“I’m tired!”
“I’m hungry.”
We’d been hiking for the past 3 1/2 hours in a slot canyon in Capitol Reef National Park, wading through the river, descending waterfalls, and generally having an amazing time. However, we had no idea how far we’d hiked, or how much further we had to go. We only knew that the hike was five miles long.
The sun was sinking low, and little bodies felt the consequence of exertion. Their bodies were telling them they had had enough. This was a breaking point. They did not believe they could go on.
As the parents, with perspective that comes through experience, we knew quitting was not an option. Being in the middle of the wilderness with darkness approaching, we recognized there was only one thing to do–go on, quickly.
But how do you convince small children they have to do something they neither want nor believe they can do? How do you help them “press on” when their perspective holds only pain and discomfort? Answer: a big, therapeutic dose of OPTIMISM.
As endurance athletes will attest, when your body reaches a “breaking point”, going forward becomes a mental game. Your mind has to take over and command your body to push on. Our kids had to make this mental shift, and we, their parents, had to help them.
Our optimism therapy started with a prayer.
We continued by acknowledging the kids’ feelings with empathy and understanding, but more importantly we encouraged them.
“Yes, you’re tired and cold, but we have to make it to the truck. You are so tough, I know you can do it.”
“Dennings are tough, we can do this. We will make it.”
“You are a terrific hiker!”
“This might not be fun right now, but it won’t last forever. Soon we’ll be at the truck where we will be warm and cozy, and can get something to eat.”
“You’re awesome! Look how well you climbed that hill.”
Through this constant stream of commendation, we could see a change in their attitudes.
Yes, they were still tired, and they were still cold, but they weren’t whining any more. They were focusing on the task at hand, and on helping each other out.
Our level of optimism was tested again when we reached the third and final waterfall on the hike. Arriving at it meant we were close to our destination, but this was the biggest and most challenging descent yet–a nearly six foot drop into the water below.
Initially we had looked forward to reaching the water where we could swim in the pool under the blazing hot southern Utah sun. Now it was hidden from sight, and getting wet was the last thing we wanted to do.
As I descended the surrounding rocks, I nearly slipped with baby Atlas on my back. Our six year old began crying, and retreating from the ledge.
“I don’t want to get wet! I’m cold,” he wailed.
With great assurances that we are nearly done and Daddy (who was standing in the water below) will catch him and carry him to dry land, he slowly moved forward. My husband helped each of the children down, and carried them to the river bank. Next it was my turn, and I awkwardly fell into his outstretched arms, and received only minor scratches from the austere rocks.
“We did it! You all did so awesome! We’re close now.”
The praise and encouragement continued, and so did we. Each moment it got darker, and despite our optimism, my husband and I realized that hiking this rocky river bed in the dark would be nearly impossible. Although our words may have been soothing and light, our footsteps were swift and serious.
Suddenly my 7-year-old son exclaimed, “A telephone pole!” The moment we’d been anticipating finally arrived when a sign of civilization was in sight. Cresting the top of the ridge, we saw the road and the dark, now-closed visitors center. We did it! We made it!
We still had a few obstacles to face before getting to our truck (parked three miles down the road), but our children’s attitudes had completely changed. Still tired and hungry, they were now grinning with self-satisfaction at a job well done.
However, it was much more than just a “job well done”. They had pushed, and exceeded, their personal limits. They had actually improved who they were that day. They have greater self confidence, and know they can do difficult things.
That was definitely something to smile about.
QUESTION: How has optimism helped your family through challenging experiences?
CHALLENGE: When you face something difficult, distasteful, or tiring today cheer yourself on. Out loud or in your head say, “You are great! You can do this!”
You go, girl! We’ve had long hikes too and times when we didn’t think we could finish, but I totally agree with you that optimism and telling the kids how great they are doing works wonders! I’ve also learned to hike with some fun snacks the kids usually don’t get to eat (fruit snacks, cookies, gum, etc.) that really make a difference to their attitude.
Thanks for sharing!