Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religious preferences. OurSpiritual Sundays section is a place where our authors can write about thoughts that are more spiritual in nature, and our goal is to gather a wide variety of perspectives. The following article is written from a Jewish perspective. If you (or someone you know) has something to add to this section to help us reach a wider audience of mothers, please send the submission to [email protected]. Thank you!
My daughter’s name is Tova. She is named after my maternal Grandmother. She recently asked me, “If a person who doesn’t know Hebrew asks me my name, should I just say that my name is “Good?” I laughed at the time, but I also thought for a minute–that it does sound a little strange that I named my child for all intents and purposes, “Good.”
The more I thought about it, the more it makes sense that Jewish people name their daughters Tova. Our tradition has always reinforced this concept that G-d is good, his ways are good, and his creations are good. At the beginning of time, G-d looks at his world each day and proclaims it good. Jocheved gives birth to Moses, and “She saw that he was good” (Exodus 2:2). In Grace After Meals, we use the word “good” many times.
It seems that we are supposed to constantly remind ourselves of this as a basic principle of Judaism, hence, my daughter’s name.
So can we apply this concept of looking for the good when we parent? We often have a tendency to focus on our children’s negative behavior. We remember very clearly the times that they whine, leave their homework undone, and act poorly towards their siblings.
What if we could turn their behavior around by giving it a positive spin? What if we, in our kid’s worst moments, remind ourselves of our kid’s past “good” behavior and let them know that we believe in their intrinsic “goodness.”
So let’s say they are whining because they are tired, we want to remind them of the time that they were tired, but they were able to keep it together:
“I know you are tired and you are using your whiny voice. Remember the time that you were up late and you were still able to use your regular voice. Can you do that now? We just have a few more minutes before we get to the checkout counter and then we are going to go home.”
When they do not do their homework, we can remind them of the time that they did do their homework:
“Homework seems to be challenging for you right now. Remember when you were having a rough time with that math problem, but you persevered and figured it out. I have faith that you can do that again.”
When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, you can show them that what they did in the end is what counts:
“I saw you raise your hand to smack him. I told you to stop and you did. You put your hand down. You remembered not to hit.”
Can this really work? I think so. The times that I have been able to do this, I have been very pleased with the results. I know that I have been able to turn potentially ugly and harmful interactions into some really positive relationship building moments.
The Jewish way of “looking for the good” has the potential to be a life changer when we parent. And I have a constant reminder of this Jewish concept- I just have to call my daughter by name- “Hey, Tova…”
Challenge: Find one act of our children that we think is negative and find the positive within
Question: Do we have a tendency to look for the negative? Can we change this?
Image courtesy of ntwowe / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I love this idea of calling our children by what their name means – a new twist on the importance of choosing a name for baby! My first son’s name means “gift from God” and we chose it deliberately for this reason. But I love your daughter’s question about whether she could just be called “Good” – I wonder what would happen if I actually called my son “gift from God” instead of hollering his name to get his attention! The idea makes me laugh but it also reminds me that his name means what he is. A much-needed reminder – thank you.