Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religious preferences. Our Spiritual Sundays section is a place where our authors can write about thoughts that are more spiritual in nature, and our goal is to gather a wide variety of perspectives. If you (or someone you know) has something to add to this section to help us reach a wider audience of mothers, please send the submission to [email protected]. Thank you!
In May, we celebrated a little known Jewish holiday called Shavuout, the Festival of Weeks. According to Jewish tradition, this is the day that the Jewish people received the Torah, more specifically the Ten Commandments.
It is particularly joyous holiday, because we recognize that the Torah has made the Jewish people strong and vibrant. We decorate our homes with flowers to remind us of the Mt. Sinai where the Torah was given. Many stay up and study Torah the whole night. We also eat lots of dairy foods, like cheesecake and blintzes. This is because the Torah is likened to milk in Song of Songs: “Like honey and milk [the Torah] lies under your tongue.” Milk has the ability to fully sustain life (think of a nursing baby), and Torah is able to fully sustain us spiritually.
This year, Shavuot came right after Mother’s Day, which made for an interesting mix. Preparing for the holiday and trying to relax on Mother’s Day was a bit tricky. (My husband and kids did a lot of the cooking.)
I know that Mother’s Day is about celebrating motherhood, which Judaism takes pretty seriously. I was thinking about how both holidays really do complement each other. There are some basic Jewish principles and philosophies that teach us how to raise our kids, while treating ourselves with dignity.
Ethics of Our Fathers is a compilation of Jewish ethical teachings, based on the Torah. It was authored by Rabbis in the Mishnaic period, 273 BCE-190 CE. There are many insightful and wise ideas to be gleaned from this work. Here are some Torah principles that all mothers can take to heart:
1. “Better one who is slow to anger than one with might”
I have spoken to many moms about why they get angry and it comes down to this: most moms get angry because their standards are too high for themselves. They have unrealistic expectations of what a “good” mom is supposed to do and it is hard to let go of these ideas. At this time we can try to stop doing everything perfectly and let go of all our unrealistic expectations.
There is no such thing as a mom who never yells, never gets frustrated or impatient and has perfect children that are well behaved 24/7. We should tell ourselves, “Sometimes, I do a great job taking care of my kids, and sometimes, I am just an average mom. My kids sometimes are well behaved and sometimes they are not. That is the normal way for kids and moms to be. I am capable of managing motherhood and all the problems that may entail.”
Not only will it help you as a mom but it will also help show your kids how to be more relaxed and easygoing.
2. All of Israel Is Responsible For One Another:
Let’s be honest, most moms are worn out from all the things they need to do. Between grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and getting the kids to and from school and activities, the nearly endless list of chores can be overwhelming. It is tough to train your kids to help out, but it can be done. Responsibility for others and our larger community begins at home, by teaching kids to be responsible and productive members of their own family.
One of the best ways to do that is to hold a family meeting. Write all the jobs that need to be done on a piece of paper and put it in a hat. Try to let each child know that they need to pick a job for the next day and do it without being reminded.
3. One Good Deed Begets Another Good Deed
In my experience, the number one complaint that moms have about their families is that their kids are cranky and unappreciative. As mothers we can have a great influence on the tone of our home. One simple way to increase the happiness and peace in our home is to start off the day with a good deed. The simplest way to do that is to be positive (okay, after your coffee). Wake your kids up with an upbeat voice, give them a huge smile and then kiss them as they walk out the door. When we start the day in a positive way everyone feels it.
Do we sometimes overlook how maxims or proverbs from our religion can impact our lives? Try to apply a maxim or words of wisdom from your faith in everyday life to help you parent better.
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