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I started to tell Ellie it is only one more (child) than our family plus my mom who had paraded around a resort with us the evening before. But, instead I just smiled and looked at the mother and father holding hands at the rear of the group. Though the mother knew nothing of my smile, it was one of those kinship smiles of love that mothers sometimes share.
It made me think more deeply about an interaction we had with a stranger at church the previous Sunday. An older gentleman walked into the chapel and upon seeing our family sitting on the church pew, turned to my husband and said, “What a great family you have.” Then, he proceeded to count aloud the children. This friendly man then turned to my eldest, Megan, and said, “You need another girl don’t you? A baby sister is what you need, isn’t it?” To which Megan just politely smiled and nodded.
And I smiled, a real smile. The kind of smile that reaches deep to the heart and feels sheer happiness, joy and contentment. I have five children. Each one was a carefully discussed, premeditated, much desired decision. We were blessed to have them when and how we desired them. It is a blessing that to many women is withheld, but for some reason, the deep maternal desires that I had clear back as a young child have come full circle.
As a young child, teenager, and even young adult, my journal is filled with numerous entries mentioning the large family I desired. My numbers varied over the years, but the number never fell below eight. I always thought I wanted at least eight. And then I had one, then two, and then number three came along. Then one day, before number four and five were even planned, I announced that there would be five children in our family. I just knew.
A few weeks ago, I talked with a friend who has four girls and can’t quite decide whether to have another baby. She asked me how I came to my decision. I really had no explanation. I don’t think anybody really does, because really, it is a very complex decision. There are so many things to consider: health reasons, financial decisions, miscarriages, personal circumstances, culture and religion. It is all so deeply personal.
I will always remember standing in the kitchen with my husband, our six-week-old baby (child number five) laying on the couch nearby asleep. And my husband completely out of the blue, said, “You’re right. I can be done too. It’s time for a different stage.” Five seems just right for us. I can’t tell you how. I can’t tell you why.
And though I see newborn babies and bittersweetly recognize the end of writing that chapter of my life, I am content as I see other chapters that I am just now beginning to write.
Though there are different lifestyles involved in one child versus eight children, or three children versus five, there is no doubt that most mothers know the smile that I smiled as the mother of six children passed me by this morning. The smile of love, contentment, fulfillment and pride.
Mothers love their children. Whether we have one child or eight.
QUESTION: How do you feel contentment and fulfillment with your family as it is now?
CHALLENGE: When someone comments on your children, whether one or ten, smile and be happy with the choices you have made for your family.
Thank you so much for this article. I always wanted 6 kids, since I was a very young girl. We have 4 now, and they all did not come when I planned (they took longer than I thought, except for one, who was a suprise), and after much prayer and discussion I have finally gotten my husband on board for one more. It is so nice to see others thoughts and feelings on this too.
I struggled a lot with this between child 4 and 5. I always felt like I wanted upwards of 6 children, but I got married later, and then they didn’t come as quickly as I had hoped and then I got sick and I’m only getting older. Not to mention all the emotional extras. So 5 is where we stopped. I just feel like God will validate your decisions when they are right and you trust in that.
I had baby #5 last April (is my baby really one? sob) and I too have 4 boys and a girl. I thought we were done at 4, but had experiences where I knew there was one more. I had a very high risk and scary pregnancy that ended in a preemie baby and a host of challenges, but he is worth every moment! I too know this is our family and it is a great feeling. I will always miss the newborn/baby stage, but will steal others at church and such to get my fill. I had a bishop once say that if you wonder if there is another child to add, then you probably aren’t done. I don’t wonder any more, I am satisfied! 🙂
I always wanted 6 kids. I have 3 and 3 it will be. Thanks for the reminder to be happy.
I needed to read this post today. Thank you so much for the perspective. I only have one and he is adopted. I don’t know if I will ever be able to have the 6 kids I was hoping for on this earth, but all I have to do is look at my one little boy and realize how blessed I am to have him. Even if he is the only child I will raise, I will be content knowing that I had the chance to be a Mom.
This is me EXACTLY. Thanks for putting my thoughts and feelings beautifully in print.
Not all of us have the luxury of choosing how many children to have. I have not been one who can say “I want a baby” then get one right away. I have fertility issues and have faced undue judgment by many people. But I know how blessed I am to have “ONLY” two. I have a girl and a boy, a perfect little package, and I am so grateful for them! I have come to terms with our family being the way it is and have come to realize that this is right for us–even though I didn’t forsee being content with “only” two.