Progressing Through Motherhood By Setting Objectives

When I held my first baby, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts–thoughts of what kind of mother I would be and how I would balance motherhood with the outside world continuously pressing on my precious time. In that moment, I committed to myself that I would succeed. I determined that I would progress and that I would be the best mom I  could be. And with those lovely little thoughts tucked away in my mind and heart, I forged out into the new territory of Motherhood.

It was roughly two months into the journey that I lost my way. Somewhere between the dirty diapers and spit-up splattered clothes, I found myself thinking back to those initial precious moments and wondering if I had really made any steps towards becoming the mother I hoped to be.

I hadn’t. At least I certainly didn’t feel like I had. I realized that my hopes about motherhood were nothing more than nice thoughts. I desired progression, but with no clear destination, that desire seemed to only fuel my feelings of inadequacy. So I sat down and did some serious thinking about how to best change my approach.

It was then that I realized what I was missing: goals. Little markers in the road to tell me I was going the right direction. When I thought of the times in my life when I progressed the most, it was when my life had clear expectations, goals, and plans set forward (like projects at work or assignments at school). So it only seemed fitting that I set forth clearer expectations or objectives for myself as a mother.

I found the best way to come up with those objectives was to define my destination. In other words, where did I want my journey (my goals) to get me?

The way I approached it was quite simple: when my child(ren) are grown, what do I hope they will say of how I raised them? Of the example that I set for them? Of how I loved them, the time I spent with them, or the way that I made them feel?

I set to work making a list of several things that I hope my children will say. Some of my ideas included: she always gives us heartfelt compliments; she listens and understands; she always sets a good example; she hugs us–a lot.

Then, I picked the ten that I felt the most drawn toward (some of them were easily combined with others on the list), and I rewrote them as objectives for myself. Everyone’s list will probably look a little different, but here is what my final list looked like:

1.  Give compliments and praise–not just for a job well done, but for effort, skill, and desire.

2.  Say, “Yes.”

3.  Have a vision for our family, for each of its members, and for our faith. Share that vision with others.

4.  Give love abundantly. Give hugs.

5.  Take time for me–rejuvenate, learn, relax, breath.

6.  Smile often. Forgive easily. Laugh plentifully.

7.  Listen. Enjoy every moment of their little voices. Encourage thought. Validate their thoughts.

8.  Lead by example. Make choices that I would be proud to have my children emulate.

9.  Take time to teach. Be patient and understanding. Clarify and expound with love.

10. Be consistent and steady.

Now, the process doesn’t stop here. This needs to be an active list or there won’t actually be any progression towards my vision. To do this, I sit down with my list at the beginning of each week (usually on Sunday evening) and ask myself questions such as, “Where am I feeling particularly weak?” or “What do I sense my children could use more of right now?” Then I set goals in the sections I want to specifically work on that week. Goals are the fuel that bring me closer to my objectives, closer to my destination.

For example, if I felt really weak in my consistency, I would try to figure out what specifically it was in my consistency that lacked. Perhaps it was my ability to be easily persuaded by pleading children with big smiles. Then I set a goal for that week which could be something like, “Every day this week, I will take time to ponder my answers before I give them to my children so that I am confident in my answers and can stand by them.” I try to make my goals as specific and measurable as possible so that I can measure how well I progressed that week.

The key is to remember that it is not a perfect process; it’s a progressive process, and there will be setbacks. But, we can’t let those setbacks keep us from trying again. Setting goals lets me progress how I want to so that I can become who I want to–and that is a good feeling. I know that, for myself, defining objectives and setting goals has a positive effect on me, my family, and my ability to enrich my family in my role as a mother.

QUESTION: What do you do to ensure you are progressing in your role as a mother? What approaches have you found particularly helpful?

CHALLENGE: Make a list of what you hope your children will say about you when they are grown. Then, turn this list into a set of objectives to mark your progress through motherhood.

Image by FreeDigitalPhotos.net/David Castillo

About Laura Hochstein

Laura is a wife, mother to three adorable littles ones, photographer, homeschool momma, lover of music and always up for exploring new places. While being a mom is far from perfect, she could not imagine herself in any other role. She considers it an honor to be a mom. After living abroad in Europe for 5 years, she and her family are trying their best to settle down a bit in Montreal Canada; though there isn't a week that passes without her kids asking if they can go for a plane ride to move to another country again. In her spare time she reads, runs, dances, sings, studies as many topics as she can and blogs about all the little details of family life (it's those little things that are always the best parts after all. Yet her favorite way of spending her time is with her family and date nights with her husband.