Picking a Fight

 

Appreciating another’s individuality is a lovely idea, except for the fact that individuality sometimes scares us. It can even be quite threatening. As women, we are ever-seeking meaningful friendships with other women. We need each other. And yet, we can get hung up on our differences, which make friendships difficult to cultivate.

When we encounter someone who’s different from us, that person can disrupt what we believe about the world and ourselves. Therefore, many of us spend our lives seeking friendships with people as much like us as possible. After all, those friendships are safe, comfortable, and non-threatening. While friendships with the like-minded are validating, there is something to be said for the challenge and growth that inevitably accompanies a friendship with someone whose individuality occasionally “picks a fight” with yours.

When the first fists of individuality fly, it’s usually our pride that punches back. It’s amazing how easy it is to allow others’ differences to spark a mild identity crisis in our hearts. We might question our methods and approaches to life. We may feel judged, misunderstood, or misguided.

And of course, this uncomfortable internal struggle inevitably leads us to pull out our best judgmental jabs. We can feel so threatened by our self-doubt that we find fault or justify our positions and attitudes. Surely we can’t have different approaches and all be right, can we? We cry out within ourselves, “There must be a superior path in it all and I’ll be darned if I’m not on it!” And at the end of it all, we somehow feel like we’ve received an emotional walloping.

I have found the keys to laying aside my boxing gloves and truly embracing others’ differences, is allowing myself to be humble and vulnerable. If I set out to learn about the differences while resisting judgment, I can then make a healthy self-assessment of my own weaknesses and strengths and avoid criticism and negativity. I can either change what needs to change in my heart and life, or I can be content to simply embrace the differences as they are. And then, I can truly appreciate others’ individuality, but only after I’ve firmly decided not to punch back.

QUESTION: Who, in your life, did you think of as your read this article?

CHALLENGE: Think of someone you know that is different from you, or someone you tend to feel defensive around. Figure out some way you can compliment or show appreciation for them, and then do it. Notice how you feel afterward, and especially if it changes anything in your relationship with them.

About Melanie Sharp

Melanie Sharp is a lover of life and learning. She dabbles in just about everything, but has yet to master anything. She lives in the Bay Area and is married to a man that makes marriage wholeheartedly enjoyable. She is the mother to three fun kids ages 3 and under and is just crazy enough to want several more.