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A few days ago, I received a call from my teenage daughter. She was taking a break during her afternoon shift at her part-time job. It was not unusual for her to call home during her breaks, but this call was different.
Her voice had a ring of excitement and urgency as she said, “Mom, guess what?” Without actually allowing me the opportunity to respond, she burst out with the news that she was just named “Employee of the Month”! My heart immediately jumped for her. I knew that this was a well-deserved accomplishment, and I was very proud of her!
After allowing this exciting news to soak in for a couple of hours, I realized that my excitement was turning into an opportunity for parenting reflection. I found myself feeling like all of our “mom talks” might actually be sinking in. I was surprised that all of the heart-to-heart discussions (sometimes welcome and sometimes not) about hard work, giving your best, being an example, and doing hard things might really be making a difference after all.
“Mom talks” are kind of special around our house. My kids are ten years apart in age. One of the perks of having such a large age difference is that my eight-year-old son typically goes to bed long before my eighteen-year-old daughter. The bedtime difference provides a unique opportunity for me to spend some one-on-one time with my daughter. There have been many nights when we sit and talk about some serious life stuff. Admittedly, other times we just laugh uncontrollably and eat bad food!
As the years pass (especially the teenage years) I’m coming to learn that our late night talks have become a cherished time for both of us. It is not a time that we schedule; it’s more like a comfortable routine that we’ve developed over time. Our talks have definitely made an impact on her life, and mine too!
Don’t get me wrong–I’m certainly not trying to take the credit for my daughter’s “Employee of the Month” award. She is a conscientious, deserving, hard worker and earned it all on her own. However, as I reflect on the things I might be doing right as a parent, “mom-talks” rank pretty high in my book. We live in a society where our kids are inundated with nonstop technology and media. Some of it is good and some not so good. Carving out time away from texting, Facebook and reality TV to slow down, connect eyeball to eyeball and really discuss important topics does make a difference.
When I think about the “Employee of the Month” award, I recall a distinct conversation we’ve had recently. It was about doing your best no matter what the job is, even if you don’t feel like it. I remember delivering some corny quotes like this one from Oprah Winfrey when she says, “Doing your best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” My point is, this short discussion did not seem that significant at the time, but it sure does now.
I am so incredibly proud of my daughter. It has been an amazing experience watching her grow into a young adult that is responsible, deeply caring, and dripping with kindness! I know it’s not easy to close out the world and just sit and talk, but it yields such big rewards. I’ve learned over time that our kids are listening to us and they really do value our thoughts and opinions.
QUESTION: How do you carve out one-on-one time to really talk to your teenager?
CHALLENGE: How can you change your schedule or routines to carve out 30 minutes a week of “talking” time with your child?
What a precious relationship you have! I found the best times for talking were either during a morning or afternoon walk, or during a drive at night. At night, there is a certain anonymity that the darkness of the car allows for conversations that are both intimate and yet not face to face.
It does all pay off, though, just as you say. We spent years telling our daughters that they needed to put “fuel in the wood stove” (work/effort) in order to enjoy the heat (the rewards: pay, promotion, etc). Our youngest mentioned it the other day when she, too, called with news of a promotion. Very rewarding, indeed!