Michelle Joines: Cancer Changes Things - but Not Everything

photo courtesy of Michelle Joines

There are amazing, devoted, wonderful, deliberate mothers out there, and each week we’ll spotlight one of them here at The Power of Moms. Do you know a mom who deserves a little time in the spotlight? Email rachelle.price (at) powerofmoms.com. We can’t wait to meet her.

Michelle came from a family of 12 children. She always hoped for a large family of her own. Cancer changed things. But Michelle’s learned to make adjustments to her hopes and dreams.

Introducing Michelle Joines

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

My two boys are 10 and 8.

What have been your favorite parts of motherhood?

My favorite part of motherhood is, well, is everything. At the stage that my children are in right now, I would have to say, being with them and talking to them. Listening to their ideas and dreams. Hearing about their days and enjoying a big hug!

What have been the hardest parts of motherhood for you?

The hardest part of motherhood is seeing my kids make mistakes and letting the natural consequence happen while I am quiet. My nature is to hover over my kids and protect them and keep them safe, but I know the best consequences are the ones that happen naturally because of their choice or lack of choice.

What has surprised you about motherhood?

What has surprised me about motherhood is not being able to have the family I dreamed. Since I was little I had it all planned out: five children will be perfect! However, I was very surprised when at 27, when my youngest boy was 1 year old, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am still unsure if I am able to have more children. I still want five children and am open to adopting – coming from a mother who had 12 children, I had never dreamed this would be the way to fulfill my childhood plans!

What coping strategies do you have for getting through hard times and hard days?

My favorite coping strategy for when a child seems more difficult them usual is to spend time with that child.

When my children were 3 and 1, I went through my hardest days when I was treated for cancer. When I had to spend large blocks of time away from my children I would notice that my children would act out. I learned that if I would spend time them they would settle down. I was so tired, so I would just lay on the ground they would crawl over me and I would tickle them, hug them, and laugh with them.

Now as they are 10 and 8, I notice the same pattern. When I am distracted away from my children for large blocks of time, I notice they start to act out in their way; so, I focus on them, spend time with them, talk to them, hug them, and they settle down into the children I know!

What would you say are the most important things a mom can do? What would you say are the most important things for a mom NOT to do?

The most important things a mother could do is spend time with her children and praise them.

I like to make periods of time when I don’t have to multitask, when I can be 100% mom. Yes, there are times when I have to work, cook, talk on the phone, shop, clean, and much more, but I try to make moments when I can ignore all other distractions and I can spend time with my children and be theirs 100%.

The most important thing NOT to do… for me I have a few things I try to keep on my mind of what not to do….

Saying “NO” or “Don’t” too much. Instead of telling my children what not to do I try to tell them what to do. When my children were little I found myself saying “no” or “don’t” or “stop” a lot. My friend pointed that out and I started saying more of what needed to be done. For example, instead of “don’t climb on the table,” I would say “Tables are for eating and chairs are for sitting.” Now that they are older I try not to say, “Don’t throw your clothes on the floor;” instead I say “One touch your clothes to the laundry basket.” Other examples: instead of “Don’t eat that cookie now,” I say “Dessert after dinner.”