Photo by Carlos Porto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About five years ago, we decided to add two more words to our already established three word family mission statement (to be revealed at a different time). These two words: LOVE MORE are so simple to write, simple to say, often hard to put into action.
When everything is going well, the weather is good, the kids are responsive to your instructions, your husband is buying you fun Christmas gifts, your neighbors are bringing delicious goodies, it’s easy to love more. BUT when a child is driving you crazy with incessant whining, teenagers are constantly pushing your buttons and “accidentally” but consistently missing their curfew, when husbands have no clue about what is required to put your house back together after the Christmas extravaganza and is quietly reading a book by the fire or when your in-laws openly disapprove of the way you run your family, then is when “Love More” gets hard!
One summer at our cabin in Idaho where we have a tennis court and where all our children learned to play tennis during the summer with their father as the master instructor, our neighbor across the fence became incensed about the tennis balls that were landing periodically on his lawn. Keep in mind that this neighbor was extremely meticulous. The thought of having the turf on his lawn “dented” by tennis balls was just more than he could take. One morning he came out on his balcony and started yelling, swearing and profaning at our children who had popped yet another ball onto his turf! My husband, Richard, came out of the cabin, just in time to hear the tirade and was equally incensed! A very nasty interchange ensued and everybody was upset.
After the heat of the moment, Richard felt sad about some things that he had said and when we returned home, he found the neighbor’s address and sent him one of the books that he had written with a sincere apology in the front cover. The next time we saw that neighbor at the lake several weeks later the neighbor said with a cold glare, “I burned your book!”
At that point, it was all that Richard could do to keep from laughing, but luckily was able to restrain himself! He realized that poor guy had more going on in his life than we had realized. There were things that we would never know about the hard things in his life, but our job was just to simply “love more” by feeling sorry for him and to honestly be able to say to ourselves that he was a guy who had lots of problems and just needed to be forgiven for his indiscretions. Otherwise, his problems became our problems too!
I heard a wonderful quote this year about holding hard feelings toward those who have wronged us. It goes something like this: “Letting bad feelings fester toward people who have wronged you is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The perfect antidote is just to “Love More”. One of our daughters who is also the mother of five children actually made a wooden plaque that hangs above their front door that has “Love More” engraved in it. It’s a great reminder as the kids walk out the door, that when they are at school, whether they are being persecuted or just see someone who needs someone to say “hi” to them, those two words are also engraved on their minds as they dive into the world each day.
So here is a challenge for you: Whether the bad feelings are between you and a child who has ADD or OCD, you and your husband who isn’t as supportive as you want him to be, a bully who is making your child’s life miserable, your mother who criticizes you incessantly, a neighbor who wishes your would burn your bikes and scooters or even a dog who has chewed up your beloved new leather shoes, just let those two words cross your mind at the height of your dismay and I can almost guarantee it will bring thoughts of compassion rather than condemnation and peace rather than feelings of persecution.
Good luck!
QUESTION: Have you had an experience when “loving more” eased a burden?
CHALLENGE: Do as Linda says and let “Love More” at the height of your dismay. Then, tell us about it below!
Thank you for sharing this. We are only in control of ourselves and being the “box checker” that I am, this gives me something “to do” when I am wronged or hurt by others. You guys are the best! Thanks for blessing my life!
What a great essay! Thanks so much for sharing this. I’ll remember that great phrase to “love more” next time my six-year-old makes a mess in the kitchen or forgets to do all his homework….
Linda, thanks for sharing that. We always tend to judge others by what is going on at that moment and forget they have their own baggage that we aren’t aware of. I need to work on that myself.
This a great reminder to me today. It’s actually so easy to think of all the things I should be doing less. I sometimes have a ticker tape running through my mind of all the things I should do less, things like losing my temper, giving up on a child, wasting time on-line, etc. I certainly like the idea of having “Love More” be the two words I see most frequently. Thanks.
Wonderful thoughts thank you for sharing your great wisdom!!!
Wow, I like this quote! “Letting bad feelings fester toward people who have wronged you is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Speaking of this topic, I know people who let bad feelings toward themselves cause similar problems. I wish I could put together some classy quote that would also remind people how crucial forgiving themself is too. We need who we are. We need the evidence of having forgiven our imperfect self too-to show we’ve percieved what unconditional love is and that we’ve “gotten” what this life’s purpose is for.
Thank you so much for the encouragement and insightful solution to love more. We’ve been seeking perspectives that we can share with our kids so they can treat each other better. I think we’ll put together a plaque too. And if anyone knows of a good quote about forgiving yourself, please reply to my comment. I’d love to hear it!
I needed to read that poison quote! Thanks for sharing. You are amazing!
That goes right along with charity never faileth. Really, truly LOVING a person. And when love doesn’t work, love MORE.
Love that quote about the poison. Good stuff.
Also, I think that we think that loving more means giving in, but in reality it loves the entire person — the person they’ll be when they learn to clean-up and the little person they are now who’s throwing the tantrum about cleaning up. 🙂
I’ve been doing a lot of work this Lenten season on quelling the judgemental side of me, and after spending an hour last night writing a note to myself about the subject, this is the icing on the cake! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom on the subject. I can only imagine that the other three words in your family mission statement are just as powerful! Simple truths are like that. 🙂
My own mother is a very good example of this principle in my life. She is great at loving more, especially when she has been wronged. I have a firm belief in this principle thanks to watching her live it.
Thank you for spreading this message and for living the principle yourself.
My 12 year old daughter is in the middle of a “Love More” experiment. She and another girl have battled each other since the day they met. To say they are very different people from very different backgrounds is an understatement. I wish I could say that I have known just what to say each time my feisty daughter has come home in a huff to report on yet another shouting match between them. But the truth is I simply haven’t know what to tell her aside from a generic “Be nice”. Luckily, I got a little help from a church lesson. The girls were challenged to think of someone they don’t know or don’t get a long with and compliment them every day. What a great solution, why don’t I ever think of these things?
Just today out of the blue my daughter began talking about her former enemy and declared “We’re kinda friends now, things aren’t bad anymore”. A complete turn around in just a week and all it took was a little love and a lot of courage. Linda, after reading your wise words tonight, I am left to wonder who can I “Love More”?
I just had an incident happen in my husbands family that really mad me stir. I was so upset and I knew that it really was not such a big deal. It took me a while to cool down and think about what would happen if I egged on the situation, which I really did consider. I am now so glad that I read this article. I need to let it go and realize that there is so much more to the behavior that had taken place. Thank you so much for the reminder to Love More. I appreciate the thoughts.
Thanks for this essay! It is so true that by “loving more” we can make a difference!
I took on the motto in my life a few years ago “Care Less, Love More”. At first glance care less can seem harsh, but when added with love it works and is very healthy. It has healed a lot of wounds and helped eliminate a lot of DRAMA. Love “love more”. Thank you.