When I was young and single, I would envision the family that I would have and the kind of mother I would be. I would create disciplinary strategies, structured schedules and be baffled (in a way only non-parents are) by mothers whose children seemed “out of control” whatsoever. I dreamt of the active, productive, creative beings that I would bring into this world to nurture and the kind of “Janeen Brady” adventures we’d have. I would be the perfect mother. I had it all figured out.
Sometime later, I found the man of my dreams, tied the knot and immediately (like 9 months and 2 weeks later) started a family. I soon saw that, while my goals were worthy, my game plan was quite unrealistic. Each child is a individual. A living, breathing person with likes and dislikes, quickly formed opinions on certain things (like bedtime and taking medicine), and does not feel any social pressure whatsoever for “polite public conduct” (such as having a bowel explosion in church that oozed all over mommy’s dress . . . classy).
Fast forward seven years. Three (and a half) kids and a whole lot of adventure later, I still have the goal of raising active, productive and creative beings. Only my game plan has changed. Dramatically. On some days, I feel rather successful. Other days, I think I was misguided from the beginning and think television (which my children only watch occasionally) is a pretty great alternative.
Consider this. While trying to motivate my children to be active, they often “activate” themselves all over my house: hanging from the staircase railings like monkeys, using our elevated counters as a dancing stage, and playing leapfrog from bed to bed (once resulting in the total annihilation of an antique vanity bench that I inherited as a child . . . it was a sad day).
As for their creative genius? Oh, they have it. In spades. And I have the evidence to prove it: splatter painted glitter glue all over our newly painted playroom, red paint mosaics to accompany the glitter glue job, purple nail polish embellishments in our newly-carpeted Master Suite, eye pencil illustrations on our ivory painted cabinets in the Master Bath, Crayola Marker (thank goodness) accents on their (okay, GRACIE’S) ivory bed, and – the Grand Prize Winner – the emptying of an entire gallon of ivory paint all over their newly-carpeted bedroom floor (and trailed throughout the upstairs) and all over Gracie’s new bed linens and comforter (thank goodness a lot of water and a few hours of major scrubbing took care of most of the job . . . minus the bed linens and comforter).
Luckily (at least thus far), they seem productive. Whatever they set their minds to do they accomplish. Whether good or otherwise. They love doing their jobs as long as incentives are involved (just a few pennies contribution to their Disneyland jar and they’re thrilled!) and joyously (most nights) do their dinner duty (they still find it exciting to do chores alongside mom and dad . . . pray that lasts). Bonus. In this area, I feel like a winner.
However, on bad days, there are ego-boosting benefits to being pregnant (though just typing that sentence makes me chortle). On the days when the “Hyde” of all your “Jekyll” dreams rears its ugly head and you feel misguided, unrealistic and – frankly – a failure, all you have to do is go to your pregnancy calendar and read “making hair follicles today” and – in an instant – you feel like a miracle worker worthy of the ultimate praise.
So, despite the ways my children may “activate” themselves today or choose to display their creative genius, I can sit back and look at my pregnancy calendar and feel like the “Mother of the Year.”
Cheers, friends. Cheers.
QUESTION: What have you done today worth celebrating?
CHALLENGE: Focus on the good you’ve accomplished to bring you peace during trying times.
Yes! Isn’t it all amazing! It is amazing and a miracle that those little beings are formed inside of us and on the other spectrum that they come out so opinionated and stubborn. It is wonderful to see their love of life and creativity– but lets be honest, there are times it is better seen from a distance. In the moment and the tiredness of a mother and the chaos of destruction it really does not seem all that genius or creative.
But despite the pain physically from pregnancy, despite the pain emotionally and well physically from mass destruction of our critters, and despite our visions of being a perfect idealistic mother and realizing that our definition of perfection was written wrong. …Children are SO worth it all! SO worth it to see each child’s beauty, to hold them, to cuddle them, to laugh with them and forget our temporary treasures (of stuff) on this earth. There is something about the process of parenting that ignites us and helps us recognize the miracle of being a co-creator! I marvel when I realize the remarkable beauty of life and human touch! To experience all the feelings of being human: excitement, love, laughter, sadness, sometimes anger, forgiveness, understanding, and trying again, overall the joy! The joy of knowing we are real and our little babies are real! The joy that only comes from living. Sometimes failing. And trying again.
Thanks for painting a realistic picture Amanda and reminding us all about the real joy of parenting and acknowledging our own strength, goodness, and miracles.
Fabulous article! Loved it. Thanks so much Amanda for sharing it!
Amanda, you made me laugh. i can just imagine Emma and Gracie doing all those things, how creative they are. You have always been a great writer, hilarious, keep it up!!
This is wonderful. Amanda you are amazing!
Thanks Shar! Sure love you!
Thanks Ginger! You are too kind ;0)
Thanks for your kind comment, Busy Mom! Sounds like we’re two of a kind!
Clever, funny and totally believable. Thanks for sharing your hilarious moments, and for reminding us of the miracle of being a mom!
Wow are you talking about my family, only it was a gallon of redwood stain, spilled, uprighted and carried (lift forward set, step step. lift forward set) across my livving room talk footprints and can circles.
Thanks, I needed the laugh.
Being a mom IS a miracle, isn’t it Rachel! Thanks for your feedback. I really appreciate it.
YAY! You too? WE’RE NOT ALONE! Thanks for sharing. That’s comforting ;0)
Thanks for sharing your insights. I have had those days too! I bet my Bri would give your Gracie a run for her money! :) Good luck to you and yours.
You never cease to inspire me…
Love love love it! Tyson and I were just talking about this with my single sister. She was blessed to be in the car with us while our 6 month old cried the whole hour drive. I jokingly said something about successfully scaring her out of ever having children when she asked us if we ever felt like we were going crazy! Tyson and I both looked at each other and said yes, but all the “good” times totally make up for the moments of insanity. There is nothing better than seeing the love in your childs eyes when they smile up at your poop covered/spitup on/makeupless/haven’t showered in days pajama wearing crazy self:) Thanks for the wonderful reminder Mandy!
At least they keep us awake and alert, right Sarah? Love to you.
That coming from YOU, talented woman, means a lot . . . xoxoxo
As the oldest in my family of seven and the first child to have kids, I thought the same when my single siblings were around during my kids more difficult moments. And yet, nearly all of them have progressed to marriage and parenthood without incident. Miraculous, isn’t it? Love to you, Alycia!
I really wish I could be a fly on the wall in your house. And then become me again and eat dinner with you. You are a wonderful mother. And you’ve created some lovely hair follicles.
Mandy…you have a way with words. Your witty writing makes laugh! And it actually gets me excited to know that when my future kiddos go on an [ironic] creative/destructive spree I’ll be able to laugh about it later…especially if, knowing me, I can snap a photo of the after-math 😉 And the part about feeling accomplished knowing that you’re creating a child inside you was so touching (little did you know you were helping your babe grow LOTS of hair follicles;)…I miss being pregnant, a lot, and feeling those little kicks saying, “I love you already Mom!” I’ve just begun my adventure, but being a mom is hard work…yet oh-so rewarding. Thanks for a sweet & inspiring article!
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Cheri. That was beautiful. xoxoxo
I love you, Morgen. And beautiful hair follicles they are! Among other things ;0)
When motherhood gets crazy, the key is to laugh sooner rather than later. I’m always happier and more balanced when I do that. You are a beautiful mother, Hay. Can’t wait to join you for the next round ;0)
And. . .my grown children hardly do any of that stuff, so there is a bright future, as well! And I still like them, too! Great job, Amanda!
And fantastic children they are! Love to the entire Schleg clan . . .
AMAZING story! I’m going to share it with my sister-in-law who I JUST found out was pregnant 5 minutes ago (she sent me her ultrasound pictures of a baby girl)! Yeah! She’ll enjoy it and I KNOW she’ll understand. :) Way to go, keep writing, I love it!
Yay for a new niece, LaCol! And thanks for reading. It’s means a lot.
The joys from the memories that will bring smiles for all the rest of your years. All because you gave and continue to give of yourself so freely. Thanks for being willing to participate in bringing into the world and raising the “miracle” of children. You have my vote for the official bestowal of the title “Mother of the Year.”
Amanda you are amazing! I hope I can be a great mom like you someday. Thank you for sharing. I love you!
Hilarious! Looking forward to being a parent and experiencing all of these adventures. Thanks for making me smile. 🙂
Amanda,
See, I told you that you were a talented writer! And Emma and Gracelyn are talented artists! Keep up the good work. You are admired for your “mommy skills”! David is so blessed to have you as an eternal partner.
Love
Mom
I am usually the “expect the worst, hope for the best” type of personality. I have visions of my children lighting my carpet on fire and wandering out onto the freeway in their (organic, cloth of course!) diapers, that way, when I get my own I’ll be like, “Soy sauce all over my wedding dress? That’s it? I thought you were going to tear this place apart. “
Thanks girl. I appreciate it.
Thanks for the sweet comments, hon. I love you more!
I can’t WAIT to meet your children, Leah! What beings of humor, joy curiosity and laughter they will be. They will bless the world wherever they go. Can’t wait to meet them. xoxoxoxoxo
I can’t wait to meet ’em either! I’ve tried praying, maybe I should ask Santa too.
Isn’t it the truth. We all think we are going to be the “perfect parent”, but kids are kids! Love the article and we do need to realize what we do acomplish, and it is amazing!
My kids figure that since Mommy paints walls, they can too! Jeremy was very good at coloring on bedspreads with mascara! Do you think when we’re 72, losing hair (which turned gray early by the way), and wondering why it is so quiet that we’ll walk around the house and tenderly stroke those re-painted walls and wish that we could have those moments all over again?
Love you! Great writing!
Amazing indeed, Liz. As are you. xoxoxo
That’s so tender, Leigh. Just reading your words put a lump in my throat! I KNOW I will long for these days years from now. Craziness and all. I guess the key is to live, love and savor them now. So we can have June roses in the Decembers of our lives.
Love to you, dear friend . . .
Wonderful article!! Loved it and laughed all the way through. What lucky kids to have you as their mom xoxo
Thanks Joyelle! I’m actually blessed to have them. They make me a better person. Even on some days if it’s just testing my patience ;0) xoxoxoxo
Mandy,
It was so fun to read your thoughts. I do remember the days when my own babies were young, they are now growing up far to fast. I smile and think, wow, it was crazy at times but like others have said, it is soooo worth it! I love being a mother and watching them explore, discover and experience all parts of this amazing life we have. There are defineately days of “this is nuts!” but not only are our children growing but we ourselves continue to grow and develop, (at times much more than we wanted to). But parenting is a jouney I am so grateful we are blessed to take. I am still learning that is for sure. Thanks for sharing a part of yourself. You are a talented, wonderful person and mother and I love having you in our neighborhood and in our lives.
Love you,
Stacey
Oh Stacey – you are so kind! I have always loved your family (thus the customized terms of endearment) and have continued to be blessed by your influence as your neighbors. Good thing we’re on this ride together, eh? With all it’s thrills and spills, it’s comforting to know you are not alone. xoxoxoxo
Hilarious! Mands, very thoughtful and oh so true!
You really do have a true talent of writing!!
Thanks Ben! You are so kind and supportive. We are praying for you this weekend! Good luck!
Yep, 20 weeks, that’s when hair follicles start forming! Too cool!
Good times…
I love your writing. You’re so talented. You always motivate me to be a better mom. Thanks!
Thanks so much, Laura! You are too kind. Isn’t motherhood an adventure?
Mandy,
What a wonderful post! You have described the experience of motherhood so well! It is simultaneously the greatest joy and the greatest insanity someone could ever go through! I admire the fact that you can still keep a clear enough head through it all to write something so profound and thoughtful. It is all I can do some days to remember where I last set down the wet wipes! Ha ha! We love your family! Hope all is well!
Love,
Mary