The day I gave birth to our first child and the few weeks after will forever be etched in my memory. I thought I’d feel elated when our baby was placed in my arms. Instead, I felt inadequate and scared. Although I’d always wanted to be a mother, I had not given the reality of being a mother much thought. When I did think about it, I romanticized it. Then, all so suddenly, I was in a delivery room. I was covered in sweat and exhausted from pushing for two hours. I still remember the feelings of shock and panic when a tiny, crying, and very real baby was finally placed in my arms!
I felt pitiful those first days at the hospital with my new son, and a scary thought constantly nagged at me: What if I didn’t have the skills necessary to be a good mother? I didn’t know how to nurse my son when he was hungry and had to constantly ask for help when it was time to breastfeed him. I didn’t always know what to do when he cried. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was listening to every squeak and grunt he made. I still remember a nurse teaching me how to change my son’s diaper! I had changed diapers in the past, but my son’s umbilical cord stump made even that seemingly easy task scary!
I wanted so much to be a joyful, loving mother. I felt, however, that I didn’t know how to react successfully in the uncontrolled, high-stress situations that come with having a baby.
As my son grew, I tried to create a happy home environment, but I made mistakes, especially in the early years. Each time I made a mistake, fear and feelings of inadequacy would nag me again. I thought that maybe I wasn’t cut out for motherhood. Sometimes dreadful thoughts were whispered in my ear that change and improvement would be too difficult.
Years have passed now, and we have had two more beautiful children. With time I’ve overcome my biggest fear by simply doing the best I can every day. Though I still make mistakes, motherhood has allowed me to develop in some amazing ways. Not only am I a pro at changing diapers and breastfeeding now, but I’m also comfortable when completing the rest of the tasks required when caring for the daily (and nightly) needs of children. My skill set includes soothing sad or sick toddlers, teaching and helping active preschoolers, and having playful moments with my children. These skills have helped me to better develop other skills like patience, kindness, and creativity. I am improving, and it’s exciting!
Each time I successfully do these things, I rejoice. I see myself grow a little stronger and I see our family grow stronger too. What about my biggest fear of the past? Well, I have learned that fears can be overcome when they are faced with courage, faith, and resolve. I have learned that there is great power in quickly asking for forgiveness and moving forward full of faith and a positive attitude after a mistake. I have learned that I can be patient and encourage myself in the process. Most of all, I have learned that joyful, successful families can last. Oh, there will still be challenges in the future, but I am cut out for my job! I can do it!
When I think about the future, I no longer fear whether or not I will be able to be a good mother. Instead, I feel happy. I can more clearly see the grand vision I am striving for. That vision includes the strong, happy and loving family that I am helping to create a day at a time. That brings me the greatest joy!
QUESTION: Have you overcome a fear or a weakness through the course of your motherhood experience? What did you do to overcome it?
CHALLENGE: Think about your dreams for the future and identify any fears that discourage you from realizing those dreams. Write down a plan to challenge those fears and move forward with faith.
Images provided by Tiffany Hancock.
