Photo by jrophoto at www.flickr.com
In the hilarious 1991 comedy “What About Bob”, Richard Dreyfus plays a successful psychiatrist with an extremely dependent and OCD patient (Bill Murray) who can’t cope with the thought of him going away on vacation. To help assuage his fears, the psychiatrist gives his patient, Bob, a “prescription” to take a vacation of his own while he’s gone; A vacation from his problems.
Today I’d like to take a page from the doctor’s prescription pad and invite every mother reading these words to take a vacation from a problem plaguing far too many of us: The problem of negative self-talk.
This month, we’ve been talking a lot about how to nurture and show love to our spouses and children, but what about ourselves? Many mothers (and women in general) have a special knack for squashing their self-esteem to smithereens with a near constant barrage of insults and put downs. You’ve gotten so fat. Why can’t you keep a clean house? Another pathetic dinner? You should be more organized! The children are going to grow up to be criminals because you were too tired to read character building stories before bed tonight.
Just this past week I finally got myself signed up with the Bloom game on our website. Being as honest with myself as possible during the self-assessment test, I was struck by how low I scored myself in almost every category. It struck me because even while I was in the process of assessing myself so low, I recognized that anyone else scoring me in the same categories would probably give me a much higher score.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Is it an over exaggerated sense of humility? Do we somehow think if we allow affirmative, supportive thoughts to flourish in our minds we will turn horribly arrogant and prideful? Absurd!
Maybe it’s related to how much we want to succeed–the higher our aspirations, the lower we “score” ourselves where we are. But rather than motivating us to succeed, focusing on our deficiencies only discourages us. Pointless!
Sadly, I think some mothers’ negative self-talk is nothing more than a replay of words they heard growing up. (I hate to even acknowledge this, but I know it’s an unfortunate possibility.)
Whatever the reason for the unfriendly inner dialogue, it’s pure rubbish (I’ve been watching British TV on the treadmill lately) and time to stop. Stop! This is where your vacation from negative self-talk comes in. Here’s how it’s going to work:
- Set your itinerary. Where is it that you want to go? That strong and stable place of Self-Confidence, or perhaps the peaceful island of Contentment. Only you can decide which destination is the most motivating, but having a vision of what your life can look like without negative self-talk is crucial. Maybe you could even call a glass company and hire them to etch “You are what you think” into your bathroom mirror. (Not really, but you get the idea. If you do go ahead with the etching, pay a little extra for some phrases like “You look fabulous!” and “I am the master of my own destiny!” Why not?)
- Get packing. Those old negative thoughts, that is. Spend a day taking note of all the nasty little things you say to yourself in your head and write them down. Once you’ve cleared your head (and heart) of all the debris, pack the list up (with your kitchen trash) and say adios, sayonara, ciao and adieu! Noticing the things you say to yourself will be extremely enlightening, and then packing them up and throwing them away will ensure you travel light.
- GO! For at least a day, but it would be really, really nice to make this a permanent vacation. (Who doesn’t want a permanent vacation from something ugly and depressing? Especially when it’s free?) It will feel unnatural at first, and you may not feel worthy of such luxurious living, but you must try as hard as you can for as long as you are on this vacation to lavish yourself with praise, encouragement, compliments, and lots and lots of love. What’s the worst thing that can happen? I can’t even think of a single possibility!
I know I’m making this sound easier than it is, and the truth is, I know that it’s not (easy). But I’m right there with you, just setting my own itinerary, and I think it’s going to be one of the best vacations ever. (What are you going to wear? I’m just sure you’ll look fabulous! No, those jeans do NOT make you look fat . . .)
QUESTION: How much is your negative self-talk affecting you and your family?
CHALLENGE: Set your itinerary, pack up your negative thoughts, and go on vacation!
