I loved Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a kid. I loved the excitement of choosing any of the options, knowing that each would complete the storyline. But what if I had looked at those books and tried to turn them into something they’re not? What if I had tried to take every possible outcome and combine them all together to make one story. The truth is, it wouldn’t have worked. Each branch of the story is written with exactly what it needs to fulfill that storyline.
Sometimes I feel like, as mothers, we try to do just that. We see athletic mom and crafting mom and party mom and musical mom (I could go on and on), and try to fit them all into one person: us. There are so many beautifully talented mothers I know, it’s easy to think that some moms have it all.
In reality there is no “perfect mom formula.” We are just like the Choose Your Own Adventure books, and we have everything we need to create our own motherhood storyline.
I was reading an article recently that discussed this very idea. The author was lamenting that she wasn’t this mom or that mom and felt discouraged. What she finally figured out was that, while she wasn’t perfect at crafting or baking, she was the perfect mom her children needed.
So what kind of mom are you? Maybe you’re crafting mom who makes beautiful quilts for her children. Or, maybe you’re athletic mom whose children do Crossfit and Yoga right along with you. Perhaps you’re baking mom who makes gorgeous cakes and even gets called on to help friends in their baking endeavors. Maybe you’re a mix of several “moms.”
Can I tell you a secret? I’m not any of those moms. However, there were definitely times in my life when I felt like I should try to be. Sure, I like to bake cookies with my kids, do 5K’s with my daughter, and have tried my hand at simple sewing projects. These are all interests that I have, but I don’t have to be perfect at them.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in my village there are moms whose talents and abilities amaze me. The beauty of living in a village is that we can be the mom we want to be, not the mom we think we have to be, and the village can help wherever we lack.
When my daughter was six, she started watching cake decorating shows. She loved baking– and I have an oven that ruins anything you put in it (or at least that’s my story). When she begged and begged to decorate cakes, I felt discouraged. There weren’t classes available for her age range in our area, and I was not equipped to teach her myself.
That’s when I thought of my lovely friend who is well known in our village for her amazing baking skills. A quick phone call later, and she agreed to teach my daughter. I’m sure I could have looked something up online or read a book on the topic. However, I also realized that it takes a village, and I could utilize the beautiful talents of those around me.
In your “choose your own adventure” you get to be whatever mom you want to be. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have multiple interests or learn a new skill. However, it’s nice to take a moment and think about your strengths as well as the strengths of those mothers around you. It took me a bit of thinking to sum up what kind of mom I am. I thought about my strengths and personality. I also thought of when I have the most fun with my family and what moments speak to me and my “deeper yes” as a mother. The result?
I am fun-outing mom.
I love going on outings with my family! Whether it’s a spontaneous picnic at the park or a day at Disneyland, I love it. These are the moments that speak to me as a mother. I love planning with the children as we decide what we want to see or do while we are visiting a certain place. I enjoy doing scavenger hunts on our outings and taking pictures of our adventures.
One of our favorite outings is a simple nature walk where we wrap a piece of tape around our hand and find rocks, leaves, petals, etc. along the way that make a unique bracelet.
Of course, being fun-outing mom, I use a lot of other talents to plan and execute these adventures. And perhaps, as my children and I grow and learn together, the kind of “mom” I am will shift and change. But for now, I am happy with being who I am and can appreciate and love myself for it.
Now it’s up to you to choose your own adventure. What motherhood adventure does your story hold? Remember that no one is perfect and that you are equipped with exactly what you need to be the kind of mom you are meant to be. We can’t combine all of the storylines to make one perfect motherhood story. But we can try out different adventures and focus on the ones that speak to us.
QUESTION: What things have you done today to shape your own motherhood adventure?
CHALLENGE: Make a list of your own talents and abilities that make you the perfect mom for your children. If there areas you want to improve, think of the moms in your own village who can help you along your adventure.
Edited by Elsje Denison and Sarah Monson. Image from Shutterstock with graphics by Julie Finlayson.
This is a great post. I am so prone to comparing and feeling like I fall short of other moms. I will definitely do this challenge.
Thanks! It’s so easy to fall into the “comparison trap,” isn’t it? We’re all amazing, let’s celebrate it!
I love this concept. Some time ago, I was thinking about a woman in my social circle who is admired by everyone as someone who is an expert on ‘everything’ and can do anything. She does in one day more than I do in a week! At first I felt discouraged because I knew I would never do the things she does or know what she knows. Then it dawned on me: I can admire her without wanting to BE her. I can see qualities she has that I want to try to develop in myself while staying true to who I am. It was liberating. I think this article takes it one step further. I love the thought that where I lack, I have friends who can help fill the gaps, and I can still be me. Thank you.
“I can admire her without wanting to BE her.”
I love that statement!! Thanks for sharing.
Love this! Thanks Mary!
Thanks Jen!
I love this article! I’ve gone through different phases. When I lived in the big city with 1-2 kids I was an adventurer. We went and did everything all the time. It was great. When I had my 3rd I had to completely slow down. Now I totally love being at home and playing with my kids, crafting, reading, etc. I expect to change to change my focus again as our phases of life change.
Thanks Keri! Isn’t it fun to experience the different stages?