young iphone user by Tina Phillips, courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Our country’s obsession with “stuff” is driving me crazy. My children have always been happy with what they have, but in the past 24 hours, I’ve been hearing way too much of this:
“I’m the only person in my class without an iPod Touch.”
“Two of my friends have go-carts. Why don’t we have one?”
“Some kids at school said that I didn’t get anything ‘good’ for Christmas.”
“Katie said that I wear these shorts too often and I need to get some new clothes.”
Seriously?
With this month’s focus on The Power of Acceptance, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I see my life and how my children see our lives. I’ve come to the conclusion that children will naturally gravitate toward wanting “more”—unless their parents show them a better way.
Here’s a fun exercise that can be repeated as often as necessary to help our children want less (and therefore help us to stay on a budget, get out of debt, and spend our money on things that are actually worthwhile):
Step One: Gather around as a family and list everything that is “wrong” or “lacking” in your lives. It took us about 4 minutes to come up with 16 things (I was a very good helper).
Step Two: Send that list to a friend or family member who is well acquainted with the way that most of the world lives. Ask him or her to show you a new perspective. We sent our list to my brother-in-law Jon who is living in a rural village in the Philippines, and we asked him to tell us how our huge, terrible problems compare to those of the people he sees and works with every day.
Step Three: Review this new perspective with your family often, post it in a prominent location, or repeat this process whenever your children start to feel like everybody else has more. If you’d like to see our list, here you go:
1. We have to keep boxes stacked up next to the dryer to keep it closed.
People here have to scrub their clothes themselves and then hang them up to dry because they don’t have a dryer (believe me, its not fun…I’ve made my knuckles bleed while scrubbing).
2. We have paint chips on many of our walls.
People use cinderblocks as walls here.
3. We have no grass in the backyard.
People don’t have backyards here.
4. Our carpet has stains on it, and we have to get new carpet.
I have never seen carpet in any of the people’s homes here.
5. The sliding doors on our bathtub are broken.
I have never seen a bathtub here either!
6. We want our own bedrooms because we are tired of sharing.
A lot of homes here are just one room with bamboo dividers for rooms (if their home is big enough).
7. Our dishwasher leaves a weird film on the dishes.
To wash dishes here, you have to go get your water from a well and wash them all by hand.
8. One of our cars is making a weird noise because of something wrong with the brakes.
You are considered rich here if you own one car.
9.The family (especially Ethan) wants better desserts.
A lot of children would just like to have ulam (the stuff they eat with their rice).
10. The older kids want better toys.
Kids don’t have toys here; they just make up games and play with each other all day long.
11. Grace and Alia want a little sister.
People might have that same problem here, too!
12. Spencer wants more toy cars.
Oh . . . kawawa naman si Spencer! Ha ha. (I have no idea what that means, but I can guess…)
13. We want to go to Hawaii.
People here would love to go on a trip to even just Baguio for a day but can’t afford it.
14. The fridge and microwave don’t match the other appliances.
Ha ha! People here have no appliances and still cook food over an open fire.
15. Ethan wants video games.
Children here don’t know what video games are.
16. We’d like to have a vacation home.
Some people would like to live in something more than a bamboo hut!
I can’t blame my children for wanting all the toys, clothes, and gadgets they see their friends enjoying, but taking some time to appreciate the comforts of our lives has changed our family discussions. We try to talk about what we can do to help others, and we express more gratitude for our food, our clothing, our home, and our family.
No, not every eight-year-old has an iPod Touch, and when we shift our focus from what we don’t have to what we do have, our “less” really does become more.
Let me start off by admitting that we use a pencil wedge into my washer so it will spin…glad I’m not the only one that gets creative to get more life out of their appliances!
American culture is a capitalist one to be sure! Everywhere people (kids and adults) are bombarded with images and messages that if you don’t have this or aren’t doing that then you are some how missing out on something. This is a pet peeve of mine!
My kids do have more than most (I blame 90% on Nana) but they work for extras that they want. For example when my daughter (7 at the time) decided she wanted an American Girl Doll at 90 bucks a doll, I told her I would pitch in half. At 10 cents a chore it took her 6 months to save $45. I knew then that this was something she truly wanted and at 10 cents a chore she sure does take care of it well!
Now when they ask for something, they offer to pay half. Currently my 6 year old is working on a DSI. A few days ago he told me that he doesn’t need the DSI-XL or anything fancy like the new 3D one because he “just wants one to play games and not spend all the money”! In these economic times: teaching kids about money is invaluable!!!!
We also talk frequently about what matters in our lives. Games, toys, clothes, etc. can be a lot of fun but there is nothing more valuable than the love and joy we can have with one another.
I also slip things into the conversation like “the 10 dollars I save by washing the car myself will let us get some ice cream tonight”. My kids love looking for ways to save $. They even bring me old coupons they find on their adventures. On a return trip from the market my daughter handed me two coupons and said with a great look of contempt, “Can you believe that people would just leave $ on the ground. We can’t spend this at the store but the $ we save can be.”
I do feel like I am doing something right!
Cheers!
~Heather
BEAUTIFUL thoughts. Thanks Heather!