Title: I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids
Authors: Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile
Brief Summary: This book does a beautiful (and hilarious) job spelling out the incredibly high expectations we set for ourselves, and then it provides a “shot in the arm” to cure us all from this problem. With chapter titles such as “I Love Being a Mom, I Just Hate Doing It,” and “Am I a Bad Mom if I Don’t Buy Organic Spaghetti-O’s?” this book strikes at the chord of what makes motherhood so hard for many of us. What I love, though, is that it doesn’t stop there. The authors haven’t created a “whine-fest” where we can pull up a chair and gripe about the tough parts of our job. Instead, each chapter offers solid solutions to align our expectations with reality, make peace with our choices, lose the judgment, let go of the guilt, communicate effectively with our spouses, honor our whole selves, “just say no,” and live in the moment. It’s a fun, quick read, too. You’ll love it.
Parts I Liked Best:
(1) In one of the chapters, Ashworth and Nobile actually make a list of all the expectations we have for mothers. Simply seeing this list in its entirety is enough to convince you that NO ONE can do everything all at once. Some examples? How about these? Always looking refreshed, coming home with lots of energy, remembering every special occasion, cooking gourmet meals…you get the picture. They challenge you to write down your top priorities, identify the things you cannot control, and rethink some of the things you have on your list. Sometimes we convince ourselves we can’t change our situation, but maybe there is a way. Is it really impossible to hire a sitter, for example? Or must you spend 20 minutes cleaning up toys 5 times a day? We need to make our expecations reasonable, and this book can actually help walk you through that process.
(2) I like the way the authors did the research for this book. They simply talked to moms. Everywhere they went, they pulled moms aside one by one and interviewed them. They’d say something like this: “Excuse me. You’re Jack’s mom, right? Are you losing your mind?” Most moms would start out saying things like, “Everything’s great. I’m so blessed. I have a wonderful life.” But as they dug a little deeper and started asking the moms if they were truly happy, balanced, etc., they found that most moms were having a hard time. This book takes us beyond the facade of the “perfect mother” and reminds us all that everyone has days when they don’t get a shower, when there’s laundry everywhere, and when things are simply hard. However, these problems are really minor. We can enjoy motherhood if we set ourselves up for success.
How This Book Makes Me a Better Mom:
I have always had a hard time combating my own unrealistic expectations. I don’t really know what it is, but for some reason, I always assume “everyone else” isn’t struggling the same way I am. Do other moms have chipped paint in every doorway? Do other moms feel guilty if their child plays four hours of computer games in one sitting? (Yeah, that was this morning…) This book left me feeling more confident in my abilities as a mother because it reminded me that I am not alone in my struggles, and I think that’s what we all want to hear.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say, “Oh, I’m so glad to know that you cry to your husband sometimes, too.” Why are they glad I’m a crybaby? It’s not because they think my husband needs more emotionalism in his life. It’s because they are crybabies, too, and no one wants to be the only wife who can’t handle life perfectly every single day. When we accept our human side, we can more thoroughly enjoy our families. On the days I set realistic expectations, I have a great time with my husband and children. We laugh, we work, we play, we talk…it’s bliss. However, on those days when I want the house perfect, my task list checked off in a certain order, and only “gentle voices,” I get all tied up in knots, and I resent my family for their human sides. It’s all about expectations.
We were all good moms before we had kids because all we had were our expectations. Now it seems that all we have is reality. I want all of us to get to the point where we can say, “We were good moms before we had kids, and we are STILL good moms now that our children are here.”
This book sounds right up my alley! I have to read it! Thanks for sharing.
I always think of the many times growing up when I said something like, “Oh, my kids will never do that….” And now, I am sure there are young girls out there saying the same thing about my children! This looks like a great read and I am excited to check it out!
This sounds like a “must read!”