Photo by David Castillo Dominici at www.freedigitalphotos.net
Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religious preferences. Our Spiritual Sundays section is a place where our authors can write about thoughts that are more spiritual in nature, and our goal is to gather a wide variety of perspectives. If you (or someone you know) has something to add to this section to help us reach a wider audience of mothers, please send the submission to [email protected]. Thank you!
Raising boys is not my forte. It is a struggle for me to understand and accept the noise, dirt, mess, jumping, throwing, yelling and general windstorm of raucousness that is termed “BOY.” I’m slowly learning not to battle the natural disposition of my boys so much. But it’s hard. I feel like I’m failing regularly because I feel like I’m losing my cool regularly. I don’t like to feel either way. Many nights I lay in bed, looking at the ceiling, confiding to my husband that I have no idea what I’m doing. And that the things I am doing don’t appear to be making a difference…
…until I pray with Parker. Suddenly, this busy little boy (who can’t sit still for anything, teases his siblings and leaves a trail of dirt and stinky socks in his wake) takes my breath away with his prayers. As he prays, his walls come down. He asks for help to be better in ways I didn’t think he realized he was lacking. He has yet to offer a rote or routine prayer. It is always sincere and specific. He asks for help to be nice to his sisters. He asks for help to listen to his teacher in school. Last night he asked for help “to not be so hyper.” Simple requests, but heartfelt to the core.
It’s so easy to overlook those quiet, heartfelt moments and let them pass without much thought. They are as elusive and fleeting as a gentle summer breeze. Unless I am deliberate in capturing and appreciating the moment, it’s gone before I can even recognize it. The following three ideas have helped me hold on to tender moments before they’re gone.
Slowing down to enjoy special moments with my children is often like trying to stop a sled on a steep, iced-over hill. But slowing down is exactly what it takes to make the most of the short time I have with my young children. I was once challenged by a friend to not say, “hurry up” or to hurry my children through activities. Often times I am usually rushing from one chore to another and from lessons to games. Then it’s on to dinner and homework. As I accepted her challenge, it was hard not to hurry them into seat belts or hurry them through snack or lunch. I had to hold my tongue while they brushed teeth and put on shoes and finished coloring their latest work of art. As the day wore on, I found that much of the contention I usually expected as we transitioned from one activity to another had disappeared. I firmly believe that was because I wasn’t constantly in “hurry” mode. I slowed the pace down and the tension level followed. This slower pace allowed me to be more present in the moment and to enjoy my nurturing role as mother.
But that nurturing role sometimes gets lost in the business of being mom. Someone has to make sure meals are prepared, assignments are finished and commitments are kept. However, making sure the family is managed doesn’t have to mean we can’t have fun. The other day I let Parker listen to music through headphones as he finished his homework. He didn’t realize how loudly he was singing along. I stood back and watched as he would shout out words every now and then. Soon enough he was out of his seat, shuffling his feet, with pencil still in hand. When he noticed me watching he gave me an unapologetic grin and sat down to finish his homework. Much to my surprise, he finished in record time. I don’t let him listen to music every time he does homework, but sometimes we just have to have a little fun.
Most importantly, I need to take the time to give my time. There are countless ways I would like to spend my time. Unfortunately, time can be as fleeting as those special, quiet moments I crave with my kids. All too often I’m required to make a choice in the way I spend my time. My greatest rewards come when I am able to spend one on one time with each child and they are able to open up. Those moments come in many forms, like a car-ride, a late night talk on the edge of the bed or spontaneous karaoke in the kitchen. Regardless of the circumstance, it is up to me to find the time and willingly give it over to my children.
If I had not taken time to pray with Parker, I would not have the same insight and understanding I have now. What a difference it makes to get a glimpse into his heart and the way he really feels about things and people and actions. As I pray with him, I realize how hard he is trying to improve himself. I also come to recognize his unique spirit more as I see him pray with confidence and sincerity. Suddenly everything that irritates me about little boys dissipates as I peel away the mortal mask and see him for who he truly is. And when he closes his prayer with, “Thank you for my mom,” I couldn’t love that little boy more.
CHALLENGE: Try one of the three methods mentioned above this month and see if it helps you enjoy the moments more.
Photo by David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Karin, Thanks for a wonderful, insightful essay. Thank you for helping me slow down. Wish I had learned that years ago!
Karin, Thank you for a wonderful, insightful essay. Thanks for helping me learn to slow down. Wish I had learned that years ago!
Karin, Thank you for this insightful essay. Thank you for helping me learn to slow down. Wish I had learned to slow down years ago!
Karin, this is a great essay to remind all of us the importance of slowing down, particularly at this time of year. I am the mommy to only one child, a son, and coming from a family of brothers, I don’t have the same battles you mention about the things that come along with raising a boy/boys. But I did always feel very rushed and impatient in general and with everything prior to about 6 months ago. I would have lists and lists typed out and sublists, etc. and realized that in the moments when my son was doing something adorable (he’s only going to be 2 in February), I would almost hurry through it or not really take it in – all in the name of getting to that next task I had typed out. At the same time, I would lament about how fast time goes by, feeling heartache at how fast my little guy is growing! I realize I only have one little life to watch after, and that parents with more children have a lot more on their plate, but I decided to slow everything down. We got a huge desk calendar that we hang in our kitchen so my husband and I can see how the weeks are planned out and where we have room for more commitments and where we don’t. This has helped us in that we can visualize what our day, week, month is going to be like if we say “yes” to another commitment and we make conscious efforts to reduce commitments as much as possible. Also, since stumbling upon the Power of Moms website, I learned the phrase, “Clean enough to he healthy, messy enough to be happy” and I have drastically lowered my standards – keeping things clean but realizing the clutter is going to be there for a long time. No matter how many times I pick it up and try to reorganize it. If we have friends or family coming over for dinner, I get my son involved in preparing for having guests, and sometimes it takes us 30 minutes to sweep a small room in the house (something I could do in 5 minutes), but we do it together and I ask myself, as I become a bit impatient, “what else would we be doing right now anyway?” He has a small broom he likes to “help” with and it keeps him busy and interested and eventually the task gets done. It doesn’t have to be done in record time, or in 5 minutes, or perfectly, as long as it gets done. It’s amazing too, as you mention, when we back off and stop the rush how a task or project ends up going faster than when we fight it with hurry.
I know this may seem really counter-intuitive, and might not work for everyone, but I (a master list-maker, notorious in my family!) have completely stopped to-do lists and have noticed I am far more productive than I was when I spent time worrying about and putting together to-do lists. If something is really important to do or remember, I just put it on the calendar for a day I can most likely get it done. Around holidays or special events that require extra thought and planning, I do put a list together but my regular day-to-day lists are gone and it helps me feel less rushed and less hectic. I am finding that amazingly, it all still gets done (sometimes more than I used to get done) – and I enjoy everything more, especially my son. I can’t do this at work (where I have to rely on lists), or for grocery shopping, but I do this at home and it’s enhanced the quality of life in my family tremendously (my husband is thrilled that I have calmed down!). We have but now – this one moment. The important things always get done – whether they’re on a list or not. The rest can either wait or wasn’t important to begin with. Reminding myself this every day has really helped me to slow down and take in the gorgeous moments of my little guy who soon will be taller than me, going out into the world without me….. But for now, I try to soak up every precious moment I am with him….