Beauty Pageants and Teaching Moments

While I was working on the dishes one evening, I turned on the television for a distraction. The screen was suddenly filled with an array of beautiful young women. They waltzed across the stage bedazzling their audience with huge smiles, gorgeous hair, and stunning evening gowns. The audience instantly grew by four when my four young daughters caught a glimpse of this opulent display of femininity.

I must pause this story to explain that throughout my (pre-mother) life I envisioned myself having planned, meaningful teaching experiences for my children as I raised them. I could see myself seated in a cozy family room, a fire glowing in the fireplace, and angelic faces beaming up at me as I taught them any one of a million bits of knowledge and wisdom I planned to bestow upon their innocent minds. I knew these would be regular and meaningful teaching moments thereby ensuring that my children would grow to be intelligent, moral people. (Do I hear some laughter?)

Reality came soon enough, as it inevitably does, scattering disillusionment across my life as it balanced the scale between my idealism and actuality. I made sporadic attempts to teach my children in the beautifully organized fashion I had visualized. They were by no means a waste of time. However, I couldn’t claim them as a great success either. There was a great deal of sighing, wandering eyes, hanging off the couch cushions, snickering, and a general lack of interest. And, by the time Dad began distracting the children, I knew I had been lecturing too long and it was time to call it a night.

In my discouraged state, I found myself wondering how I could possibly teach my children all that I so earnestly wanted them to learn. Was it even possible? The answer came in the form of the Miss America Pageant.

The four angelic faces looked at the television with wonder and sheer delight for this was far better than “dress-up”. These were real girls with the most beautiful dresses my daughters had ever seen. They began to point out their favorite colors and designs. This wasn’t the teaching setting I had envisioned, but I suddenly realized this was in fact the ideal teaching moment.

One thing I knew I wanted to instill in my daughters was a standard of modesty defined by my husband and I, not defined by the media or other kids at school. I joined in with the excitement pointing out dresses I liked as well. But, usually I added additional comments like, “I love that sparkly blue dress, except for neck because it is too low and not modest.” Or, “Ooh, that red dress is beautiful! If it just had some sleeves it would be my favorite.” Soon the girls began asking if this dress or that dress was modest and why.

As we admired, we also learned. Without a huge lecture or presentation, just by a few comments, I was able to teach my girls about our family’s standards for modesty. There wasn’t even any eye rolling, asking when we would be done or fighting with sisters. It was a perfect teaching moment. It was spontaneous, fun, real and short!

My girls have never forgotten that night, and neither have I. They have many times since then asked me if this outfit or that dress was modest. I have never had to fight them on what to wear. They learned that our standards are not necessarily other people’s standards, and that is okay. Most importantly, I learned that the majority of my mothering comes in moments, natural and spontaneous, not in planned lectures and big productions. Live in the moment, seize the moment, but especially teach in the moment.

QUESTION: Do you feel you have enough time and opportunity to teach your children?

CHALLENGE: Look for a teaching moment to teach or reinforce something of value to your children during your normal, daily routine (during the carpool, at dinner, while tucking them in bed, etc.). Make your choice based on what they are doing or saying as opposed to what may already be on your agenda.

About Shawnie Sutorius

Shawnie lives in Idaho in what her husband terms an “estrogen ocean”. She is mother to four daughters ranging in age from 5-13 (see what he means?) Her life is finger nail painting and make up, dress up and tea parties, and fixing lots of hair, with plenty of emotion thrown in. Shawnie graduated from college in elementary education and uses her skills daily with her kids. Raising children is much harder than she ever thought it would be, but she is grateful. Her favorite things to do include: making photo books online, baking blackberry pies, organizing closets, and public speaking. Her favorite quote is by Cardinal Mermillod: “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."