healingdream/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
It started with the usual oohing and ahhing. The hotel’s desk clerk and concierge loved my four week old baby. “Ah, so small!” “So sweet.” “How old?” “What’s her name?” Then came the question, “Is she your first?”
I almost burst into hysterical laughter right there, but I composed myself and answered wryly, “Actually, no, she’s my eighth.” They were amazed and surprised, and remarked that I looked like a baby myself. “I’m 32,” I told them, “and my oldest is only 11, so they’re pretty close in age.” The conversation moved on except for a few more “ah” moments when little Katie moved her head or opened up her scrunchy newborn eyes.
My first? Hardly! Sometimes I stop and compare how different my later babies’ experiences are from my firstborn, Lillian’s. When she was born, our house was quiet — none of our other babies have had that luxury. And in so many ways the world revolved around her. I tried to constantly come up with things to do to stimulate Lillian’s brain and interact with her. I always felt the house was too quiet – there was brain development to think of! I kept up an ongoing stream of conversation going when she was awake, played Beethoven and Bach, took her on walks, planned outings around her schedule. I tried to sit down with her every day at the piano so she would learn to appreciate music. We planned the evenings around her routine, bathing her, then rubbing her soft skin with lotion. I read books to her as soon as she was old enough to sit on my lap, carefully researching which books would be best for her age. I wrote down her every accomplishment as soon as it happened: she raised her head! She smiled! She rolled over part way! She sat on the grass for the first time!
Joey, our second, got some of the same focus and planning, but by the time our third baby arrived (three years after our first) life was no longer all about stimulating the baby. I had places to go and things to do with my other kids and Michael was game for it all. Instead of just my words and my face interacting with his, he got the exuberance of a sister convinced she knew just what he needed, and a brother who viewed him with suspicion. Caring for a baby no longer consumed all my energy. I found it was just as easy to care for his needs while going places designed for my older ones. I didn’t have to think about how to stimulate his brain – it was constantly exposed to thousands of conversations large and small. I didn’t have to turn on music for him because I was already singing and dancing with the older kids. He didn’t get one word board books intended for babies, but he did sit in on plenty of storytimes as I read books to my older children. I didn’t write down his every accomplishment, but he did have a lot more fans in his cheering section when he reached them. He got to go all sorts of fun and interesting places I would never have taken Lillian at his age – the zoo, the pet store, and the park. He was definitely along for the ride, and enjoying it immensely.
Each child that joined our family since then has had those same advantages, along with a few others. Sure, I don’t have the time to be the one-woman entertainment committee like I was with Lillian, but I’m not that great of an entertainer anyway. All these little people that surround our new baby are much better at it than I am. Katie is loved and stimulated by many adoring fans, and she thrives on it. As she grows, I’m sure she’ll find plenty of excitement from her older siblings as well. Each of my toddlers quickly learn how to wrap everyone around their little fingers, and each loves to toddle after and mimic their older siblings. When it comes to comfort and security, I’m all my toddler wants, but entertainment and stimulation? What’s mom compared to older sisters who catch roly-polys and raccoons?
Sure, our house is full of noise and sometimes confusion, and certainly not everything always runs smoothly, but as Katie grows, she’ll have not just the love and support of her mom and dad, but from seven older brothers and sisters as well.
Submitted on 9-23-2010 at 09:18am
Just yesterday I had a fleeting guilty thought about not taking my two youngest to something I most certainly would have taken my first (and second) to. (I have five children now.) But then I realized, like your article discussed, there are so many things the youngest are offered that oldest children never had. The hugs, the kisses, the wrestling, the outdoor adventures, the companionship, etc. Older siblings offer something even first-time parents can’t.
Great article!