One afternoon, my 16-year old daughter Taylor came home for her lunch break. When she heard music blasting, she took the stairs two at a time and pushed open my bedroom door. What she found was her mom dancing in the room to Enrique Iglesias, who was belting out a Latin hip-hop beat: So don’t turn out the lights…eeh- ah eeh- ah ay ay…
“Mom,” she laughed, “What are you doing?”
I’m sure Taylor didn’t expect to find me singing and dancing. But that simple act of listening to happy music created a fun memory for both of us, and my happiness spread to my daughter.
This is often the way it is with self-care– as you take time out to refresh yourself, the benefits naturally flow to others.
Maybe you feel guilty for wanting to take care of yourself. Maybe you feel your family or church or workplace wouldn’t understand. Many women feel that they would be selfish to consider self-care.
But self-care is not selfish. Self-care is about controlling your own health and quality of life. And taking good care of yourself means the people in your life receive the best of you rather than what is left of you.
Let’s face it. Women hold a lot of stress. In fact, research has shown that the effects of stress are more extreme for women than for men:
Women release more stress chemicals, and these hormones remain longer in a woman’s body than a man’s. Women also appear to be more susceptible to the physical symptoms of stress due to gender differences in brain processing. Overall, women tend to be more sensitive to stress; and the stress response lasts longer in the female body than in the male one. Ninety-five percent of all office visits to doctors are for stress-related ailments (So Stressed by Stephanie McClellan, M.D. and Beth Hamilton, M.D.).
Don’t think you’re stressed? Take a simple test. Do any of the following affect you?
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Nervousness or anxiety
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Sadness or depression
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Anger
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Fatigue
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Sleep disorders
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Lack of interest, motivation, or energy
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Inability to concentrate
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Headaches
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Muscle tension in neck and shoulders
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Upset stomach, bloating, or appetite changes
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Dizziness or faintness
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Tightness in chest
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Reduced sexual desire
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Skin problems: rashes, acne, hives
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Aches and pain
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Menstrual irregularity
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Constipation or diarrhea
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Hair loss or dullness
If you answered, “yes,” to any of these symptoms, maybe you should look more into self-care. You might think it’s a small issue you would rather resolve later or that it doesn’t affect you that much now, but the long-term effects of your stressful “only-smiling” life may require a high price. The long-term effects of stress for women are many. Isn’t it time to take care of yourself?
Without nurturing their own energy, passion, and health– and without setting limits on their own activity–women are useful to no one. Just as during pre-flight procedures, the flight attendant’s instructions to passengers are to strap on their own breathing apparatus before attending to others on the airplane, women need to prioritize their emotional, spiritual, and physical health before always rushing to help others first.
That afternoon my daughter caught me singing started out with me putting a little fun into my day. It was a deliberate session of self-care, with music as the relaxing and calming balm.
Yet, as Taylor and I lay on my bed and began to sing the lyrics together, a typical day became an extraordinary one. My own self-care spilled over to lighten my daughter’s day as well. As we focused on the particular way Enrique pronounced the words of the song– “You. Can. Take. My. Breath-ay-way”– we lost ourselves in laughter. It was a memory I will always treasure.
Now is the time for self-care. So many people live their lives thinking that “someday” is the day they will stop and enjoy their lives. But as Dr. Phil says, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.”
QUESTION: Are you guilty of waiting for “someday” so you can nurture yourself and enjoy life?
CHALLENGE: Take time each day to do something for yourself. It can be as simple as turning up the music, but enjoy time for yourself.
Image by Microsoft Office Images, with graphics by Julie Finlayson.
This article originally posted on January 16, 2014.
[…] care of yourself. I had to remember to care for myself amidst the extreme mental obstacles my daughter was facing and the inner turmoil I was experiencing […]