Links for creating great flashcards and activities for your lunch lessons:

Words preschoolers should recognize before Kindergarten

Number Flashcard Creator

Overview of what children generally need to know before Kindergarten

Photo by Ambro at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Have you ever felt like everyone else was comparing apples with oranges and you don’t even fit in the round fruit category? Perhaps you’re a banana?

When I had been married for just a few years, my husband and I bought our first home. We moved into a lovely little neighborhood where it felt like everyone was the same age as us. The women around me were starting their families and were all perfect homemakers. They had a quilt club, embroidered darling wall hangings and pillows, were chefs in their own right, made handmade cards and scrapbooks, and decorated their homes so tastefully. I was thrilled. I had always wanted to be a ‘Domestic Diva’!

I joined their quilt club. I started a card club. I copied all their recipes and painted every room in my house. I read the books for book club. I went to the play groups. I made sure I fit in perfectly.

Over time, I couldn’t keep up. I made the quilt blocks, but the quilts never got made. I copied the embroidery pattern, but never had the desire to stitch. I had boxes of paper, but lost the drive to make anything with it. I had a closet which came to be known as my UPC (unfinished project closet). I felt guilty that I didn’t measure up and even felt like I’d let my friends down. I looked at these amazing women and wondered how they could do it all?

Eventually we moved across the country. (Yes, the UPC came too.) One day I was talking to a friend who enlightened me with a beautiful new understanding. We discussed how when we compare ourselves to others strengths, we’re usually not comparing ourselves to just one woman. We take the collective good of all the women we know, embody it into one person and then expect ourselves to measure up. We expect ourselves to be the whole fruit basket.

I shamefully looked back at this ‘Domestic Diva’ I was trying to be. While I was spending hours on my sewing machine, my babies were getting sick of the same toys on the floor. Their fussiness only added to my frustration and I frequently lost my temper. When I was staying up all night to cut paper and design cards, I was sleeping in the next morning, only to be aggravated when I was awoken by little guys who needed some breakfast. I was carrying guilt for the hours of T.V. they were watching, while I was diligently devouring the next book on the club list.

When I piled up all these collective qualities and tried to be great at every one of them, it only caused stress for me and my whole family. This is not to say that these talents or skills are not good. They are all wonderful, and add so much to the beauty of a home.  But, I was trying to accomplish them all at once.

Suddenly, I realized that ‘homemaker’ and ‘mother’ are not synonymous terms.  You can be a fabulous mother without having a June Cleaver home.

A burden was lifted as I realized that I don’t need to be everything. I discovered I only needed a change of focus. I needed to stop pretending to be something I wasn’t, decide what I did and didn’t like to do, and then balance it with my family’s needs.

Photo by jking89 at www.flickr.com

It was time for some introspection.  What was I good at? I quickly realized I am not a ‘Domestic Diva’, but I do love to teach my kids. I’m good at ‘table time’. This is where I sit down with my boys at our little round, blue table and we learn. We do patterns and multiplication with cereal or jelly beans, count dice while we play Yahtzee, spell with magnetic letters, or do a SUDOKU puzzle. I can throw a bang-a-rang ninja birthday party! I love to snuggle and read books with my kiddos. These are things I can be good at, even if I can’t keep a clean and beautifully decorated house.

It’s okay if I’m not my friend down the street who makes the fabulous fresh bread. I have a neighbor whose children are involved in many sports and she makes it to every game. That’s not me.

One of my friends has the patience of Job. I don’t think she has ever raised her voice with her children in her life. I assure you that is not me either. It would be awesome to be my friend who takes her kids on ‘adventures’, but we call it ‘going to the store’.

I know moms who are wonderful about getting down on the floor and playing, wrestling, or being silly. I see mothers who work and still sacrifice time to take their kids to art classes or soccer clubs. Mothers all around me have great relationships with their teenagers, or give up their future dreams to raise a grandchild.

There are a myriad of qualities that make up the fruit basket. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are so many yummy fruits out there, and each has a unique taste. Although we may be born a certain type of mother, we can always learn from the other mothers around us. Ultimately, we need to take what we are, embrace it, and share the flavor with those we love.

QUESTION: Which fruit are you? What qualities do you have that make you different from other mothers? Are there things you’re trying to do that are just not “you”? Are they making you a better person, or would you be better off letting them go for now?

CHALLENGE: If you’re trying to be too much or something you’re not, identify what you can let go of. Make a list of the mothering strengths you have and think about how you can use those strengths to make your family better.

This photo represents the typical feeling we had in our home for about ten years during mealtimes. Craziness.

For many years, our dinner conversations sounded something like this:

Please chew with your mouths closed.

I don’t yike dis.

Five more bites.

What’s for dessert?

You’re not getting dessert unless you eat your food.

My juice spilled!

Why did you put your cup so close to the edge?

I didn’t. Someone else touched it.

I’m going to frow up.

No, you’re not. Just eat. Eat. And please pick up all those noodles you just spilled on the ground. And those peas.

But this isn’t my faborite.

Can everybody please just EAT?!

Oh, those crazy dinner hours seemed to stretch on forever, and sometimes I honestly wondered how that time spent flinging food all over the kitchen could possibly contribute to my children’s success on their SATs.

But we made it through, and now that the spills and whines have subsided, we can actually sit around the table together and talk.

The funny thing, however, is that sometimes after we’ve gone through all the effort of preparing a nice meal, setting the table, and creating a quiet, TV-free space in the day for us to bond as a family, we just stare at each other as we eat–without really knowing what to talk about.  (I think we were all stunned by the silence.)

After this happened three or four times without any improvement, I turned to our Power of Moms Facebook community for ideas, and our “table talk” has now become a favorite part of my day.  Here are some conversation topics you might like to try in your family.

• The “Would You Rather” Game: Family members take turns asking each other questions starting with that phrase.  For example, “Would you rather be the President of the United States or a lion tamer?” or “Would you rather eat liver or three cans of green beans?”  Kind of fun, don’t you think?

• Historical Events: Some families keep a calendar near the dinner table listing major historical events that happened on each day of the year.  They find the current day on that calendar, discuss the details of the event that happened, and give their children the opportunity to ask questions, share their opinions, etc.

• Special Family Events: This is similar to the one above, but instead of focusing on world history, you focus on your family history.  You could have a calendar listing the birthdays of your ancestors, when each child first walked, when you and your spouse got engaged, or when you went on a big family trip.  You could also add to this calendar whenever something funny or meaningful happens.  (It’s so nice to know that special moments will be reviewed at some point in the future, and it’s wonderful to help our children connect with those who came before.)

• Religion and Spirituality: The dinner hour can be a choice time to read from sacred text, discuss spiritual topics, or reflect on the question, “How did you see God in your life today?”  On our refrigerator, we have a “prayer list,” where we write the names of friends or family members who need extra help or strength in their lives.  Dinnertime is a great opportunity to review that list, discuss how each person is doing, and talk about how we’ve seen our prayers answered.

• Math and Logic: If your children are a little older, they might enjoy some verbal quizzes involving math or logic. I love www.folj.com.

• Joke of the Day: This one is pretty self-explanatory, but it works for children of all ages, and there are tons of joke websites, joke books, etc. that could provide lots of fun memories.

• Warm Fuzzies: You can purchase a simple glass jar and a bag of colorful pom-poms, and assign each child his or her own color.  Then at dinnertime, each person describes a “warm fuzzy” from his or her day (a time when he or she did something nice for someone else).

• Current Events/World Cultures: The fabulous book, Growing Up Global, has tons of excellent ideas to discuss geography, various cultures, and current events with our families.  I’m still in the market for a large map that we can laminate and put on our table.  Wouldn’t it be fun to talk about a few different countries each week–and let our children share what they have been learning in their own studies?

This map is hanging on Shawni's wall (from www.71toes.com). I love the idea of "showing our children the world" during meal time.

• LOTS of Good Questions: Most mothers agree that the question, “How was your day?” is destined to fail.  But if we take a little time to get creative with our questions, some powerful, memorable conversations will follow. To make this simple for you, we’ve put together a PDF with 35 unique conversation starters.  If you’d like, you can print it out, tape it inside a cupboard, put it into a sheet protector, or cut it into strips and put them into a small jar at the center of your table.

Download your Family Dinnertime Conversation Starters here.

Our family doesn’t always have dinner discussions like the ones outlined above.  Last night, for example, my children had plenty of their own exciting things to say.  We heard about my daughter’s sixth grade graduation and about a friend who was struggling.  We talked about our summer plans, and my four-year-old reminded us how many months are left until he turns five.  We laughed at my husband’s jokes, decided we really wanted s’mores for dessert, and flipped through a couple of book catalogs that had arrived in the mail.

Nothing fancy, nothing scripted.  But it was sweet.

Family time is priceless, and even though it’s often messy, noisy, and frustrating, there is great power in having deliberate conversations with those we love the most. It’s just nice to be ready with something meaningful when the opportunity presents itself.

Here’s to building wonderful memories around the table!

QUESTION: Do you have any fun dinner conversation starters you’d like to share?

CHALLENGE: Pick one of the ideas above (or identify one of your own), and make tonight’s dinner conversation into a binding family experience.

 Special Giveaway

Recently, I had the chance to try out eMeals, a service that helps busy people easily organize their dinner plans so they can create healthy, low-cost meals without all the stress.

I had such a great time with this.  The meals were simple and delicious, and my children even helped out with the food preparation.  The reason I like eMeals is because they’re not just about “cooking and eating.”  They want families to connect and enjoy their time together around the table.  Exactly what we’re shooting for here at The Power of Moms.  (We’ve even become an affiliate of eMeals because we believe so much in what they are doing.)

If you are interested in participating in this giveaway, eMeals is offering a free three-month subscription to their service.

Simply leave a comment answering this question: If you tried eMeals, which plan would you try? (You can check out their plans HERE then come back and leave your comment about what plan you’d like best.)

Photo by Chris Roll

Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religious preferences. Our Spiritual Sundays section is a place where our authors can write about thoughts that are more spiritual in nature, and our goal is to gather a wide variety of perspectives. If you (or someone you know) has something to add to this section to help us reach a wider audience of mothers, please send the submission to submissions@powerofmoms.com. Thank you!

The cuddly plush animals called out to me with their “buy me” expressions. I lingered a little too long and my distraction came at a price. Crouched down in the middle of the toy aisle at the Buttrey Food and Drug store, I was completely unaware when my dad walked out of sight. Panicked, I raced to the end of the aisle. He wasn’t there. I ran to the front of the store. He wasn’t there either.
“Daddy?!” I yelled. No answer.

“Richard?!” I hollered, figuring my dad might not be the only dad in the store. Again, no answer.

Tears began welling up in my eyes as my heart pounded out of my chest. Panic set in. I found my way to the customer service counter and remember explaining that I wasn’t sure, but I thought my dad had left me. The kind attendant attempted to reassure me that he couldn’t be too far, and asked me for my father’s name.

“Richard,” I replied. Then, over the loudspeaker: “Would Richard please come to the customer service counter? Your daughter is looking for you.”

It didn’t take long before my daddy was there with welcoming arms. He hadn’t left me. I just didn’t stick with him!

Fast-forward some thirty years later, and I’ve been on the other end of this same scenario with my own children. I’m in the middle of the store, I’m on a mission, but there are a million things to distract my kids from staying close. Sometimes I’ll turn the corner knowing full well they missed the cue. I keep a close eye and wait patiently to see how long it takes for them to come seeking after me.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…

Jeremiah 29:13-14

Sooner or later, they get that sudden look of panic, yell “Mom!” and come running down the aisle to find me.

“Eye candy” gets us in trouble every time. We lose focus and take our eye off our Father. It’s easy to do, isn’t it? How quickly we become lost when we shift our focus to personal wants and desires instead of the Lord.

But God tells us we will find Him when we seek Him with all our heart! Whether we just cry out His name, run around the corner, or find the customer service booth and have Him paged because we are so utterly lost we don’t know where to start in the midst of our panic (we’re talkin’ serious intercessory prayer!) …we will find Him!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?
Matthew 7:7-9

There’s one more wonderful parallel I see at play in this. When I “lost” my dad, and my boys “lost” me, we did two things before we could be found.

One, we left what had distracted us; and two, we RAN! We ran with one goal – FIND DAD/MOM! When I realized I was no longer in the presence of my father, that stuffed animal was history. Suddenly it paled in comparison to being in his loving and secure arms.

As I ponder what it means to seek the Lord with all my heart, I realize two things must happen:

1) I have to flee temptations, distractions, selfish desires, and

2) Run!

I know I will find Him. He promises that.

Suggested Reading: Genesis 39:1-13, Jeremiah 29:13-14

QUESTION: What distraction is causing separation between you and God today?

CHALLENGE: Write down what distracts you and put it in a place where you can see it. Try to avoid that distraction this week.

WhattoExpect.com

Title: The What to Expect Series

Author: Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel

Basic Overview: This helpful series includes the newly revised What to Expect When You’re Expecting, What to Expect the First Year and What to Expect the Second Year. Overall they are down-to-earth, detailed guides to help new and seasoned mothers alike navigate the exciting years of pregnancy to toddlerhood.

 What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Personally, I found this first book a bit overwhelming. It deals with everything from conception to labor and delivery with week-by-week guides to your baby’s growth. There was so much information about anything and everything that would or could happen, that I could see myself becoming a bit paranoid if reading it while pregnant.

On the other hand, POM’s co-founder, April Perry, had the following to say about What to Expect When You’re Expecting:

When I was expecting my first daughter, I used it as a resource just about every week. Before I’d call the doctor and complain about all my aches and pains, I’d read through the book to see if it had some advice to calm me down. I liked having a resource available to describe the technical stuff that I knew nothing about.

So I guess it just depends on your personality: if you like having a lot of information to ease your mind, this book is definitely for you. If a lot of information makes your imagination and fears go wild (like me), then use it to look up just what you have a question about or stick with your doctor.

What to Expect the First Year

I asked my sister to review this book since she has a ten-month-old baby.  Here were her thoughts:

This is a positive resource filled with non-judgmental, broad and diversified advice. It highlights that one size or one style does not fit all and gives plenty of options so you can do what works for you and your baby.

I loved the small special sections on infants in NICU, infants with special needs and adoption. They gave and hope and reassurance to mothers in these situations are and also gave helpful tips on how others can help, rather than hinder, in these special situations.

There are great resources in the “mother’s care” section—vital information as we often forget to take care of ourselves when we are so consumed with taking care of our infant. I found good advice regarding siblings of the newborn and reasoning and explanations on discipline during the first year.

 Other favorites were baby’s first recipes, crying interpretation and different methods to deal with night waking.

A note of caution: the dosage chart for Acetaminophen/Tylenol (pg 758) is inaccurate and incomplete. There are two different formulas (of different strengths) on the market right now which is causing a lot of confusion.

What to Expect the Second Year

I really liked this book and found helpful advice that applied to even my three-year-old.

There are sections on feeding, sleeping and behavior that offer a variety of solutions and tips. For example in the sleeping section, the author presents several different methods of sleep training so you can decide which would work best for you and your child.

I loved the behavior section; it had so many helpful strategies. My favorite? How to get a screeching, back-arching toddler into their car seat or stroller. Use the ‘belly-button push trick’: “As you put your toddler in the seat, playfully push or tickle his or her belly. He or she will reflexively retract that arched back and lean forward, allowing you to buckle him or her in” (216). Who knew? I’m definitely adding that to my bag of tricks!

One of the nice things about all of these books is that they don’t require you to sit down and read through the entire thing to get help or advice. It is very easy to find the section or question you’re looking for and find a variety of solutions.

Would you like to receive ALL THREE What to Expect books? Leave a comment below until Thursday, May 17th at midnight. Check back on Friday, May 18th to see if you won!

photo courtesy of Elsje Denison

Like many little girls, I grew up on PBJ’s. Unlike many little girls, my peanut butter sandwiches always metamorphosed into something more. It was not uncommon to hear my mother announce the shape of the day as we sat on a blanket, eating our picnic lunch in the backyard.

“Look! Mine is a dog!”

It was like watching the clouds changing shapes in the sky. Our sandwiches were always changing into some other form: a dinosaur, a mountain, the state of Alaska. We would sip Kool-Aid out of little red-handled cups, sitting in the grass, enjoying the sunshine.

Years later, I recall the experience and I am filled with nostalgia as I realize my mother was always teaching us how to see a new shape and take on a new form. She is still at work.

I appreciate that she started teaching me life’s lessons in my early childhood. After failing miserably at my attempt to be athletic in T-ball, on the last-place Lavender team, she cheered for me. I learned that winning wasn’t everything.

When I turned twelve she shifted the responsibility of all my laundry needs over to. . . me. At age fourteen, as far as expendable income goes, she basically cut me off. I got a paper-route and had to pay for my own activities and any clothing that exceeded my parents’ budget. When I started dating, it was all funded by my fast-food paycheck. Through these experiences I learned self-reliance and money management.

I was hating life when the carpool was honking and I still had to wait for the whole family to kneel in prayer; however, there was rarely a day I left out the front door without my mother making sure I was prayed for. I learned that God answers prayers.

Although my parents didn’t have a lot of money, they invested in a secondhand, upright piano. I started piano lessons and then went on to pay for my schooling with vocal scholarships. I learned that working hard and developing talents can pay off.

As I started college, my life lessons began to change. I will always remember that empty, alone feeling as my parents drove away the day I moved in. That was the day I realized I needed my mom.

It was phone conversations with my mother that helped me through my first homesickness. Her sage advice was, “Give it three months, then it will start to feel like home.” It’s worked every move since.

Through heartbreak and boyfriends, there was always the sound words, “You are worth more than that. Keep waiting; you’ll find what you are looking for.”

Fast forward a few more years to the newlywed stage. Both my husband and I were college students, applying the independence we’d been raised to acquire. We had to make the choice between paying for a dental check-up and going on a family vacation. When Mom found out, she offered to pay for the dental check-up so we could go on the family trip. I was so surprised! My whole life she’d taught me to earn my own way. I was deeply touched as I realized, I had learned the lessons she was trying to teach me and she was proud of me.

photo courtesy of Elsje Denison

When I brought my precious first newborn home from the hospital and suddenly realized there was no manual or instruction booklet, no nurse or doctor to answer my questions, my panic again led me to my mother. “What is he doing? Is this normal? How do I. . .?” My mother was beside me.

Our family moved far from home. When life’s journeys led us back, my mom took work off, flew down to Texas, and helped me pack and move my family across several states. How grateful I was for her energy when I was lacking my own, packing and cleaning at two months pregnant. Once again, she had my back.

Today, living less than a mile away, my mother comes to my house once a week and watches my younger kids so that I can volunteer at the school. She knows how much I enjoy being in the classroom. She still wants me to enjoy life and pursue worthwhile endeavors.

When I think of those PBJ’s and my mother’s ability to see the shapes they could become, I see how her vision for me over the years has fashioned me into the person that I am. All the little ‘bites’ she took to sculpture her sandwich are not unlike the actions she took in my life to lead and direct me.

My mother taught me the lessons she could in my childhood and now stands to love me, be a friend, and support me whenever she can. I realize she will always be my mother. That yearning a mother has, to be a part of her child’s life, will always exist.

photo courtesy of Elsje Denison

I am grateful for the role she still plays in my life. I am grateful to have a deliberate mother. I’m thankful she is always a few steps ahead of me, to answer my questions and share her wisdom.

Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for women who have lost mothers through strained relationships or death. To these women I would add: this cycle of motherhood doesn’t begin or end with your mother. As mothers, we all learn together and support each other as we face the challenges motherhood presents. We are all mothers and nurturers to each other.

This Mother’s Day, determine the mother you want to be, then shape and mold yourself as you nurture and love the children God has blessed you with.

Question: What life lessons did your mother teach you? How are you teaching them to your children?

Challenge: Think of one specific lesson you learned from your mother and thank her for it on Mother’s Day.

Photo submitted by Tiffany Sowby

A  few years ago my six-year-old son, Luke, was quietly keeping himself occupied during a church meeting. Very precisely, and with great deliberation he was drawing horses amidst a picturesque mountain scene. He wanted to finish off his picture just right, but was still not confident in artwork outside of his western genre. He leaned across my lap and asked his nine-year-old sister, Megan, if she would draw a ‘cloud’ up in the sky. Megan took the paper and pencil and proceeded to draw her interpretation of Luke’s request.

Kindly, Megan handed the paper back to Luke. Within seconds, Luke was in full blown tears.  Right there in the middle of a quiet church meeting, Luke was unable to restrain his disappointment and tears. He cried aloud, “She ruined my picture.” As I glanced down at Luke’s picture, very carefully drawn up in the sky was. . . a C-L-O-W-N. My husband, suddenly aware of the whole exchange, and trying to restrain his laughter, quietly escorted crying Luke from the room. Megan was clearly devastated. Knowing she had just ‘ruined’ Luke’s picture, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

When Luke was brought back into the meeting, he was still visibly disappointed. No matter what we said, or what imaginative approach we used, he could not envision a clown having any appropriate place in his masterpiece.

I’ve thought about that little exchange a lot over the years. We frequently reminisce and can’t help but laugh about the cloud/clown that ‘ruined’ Luke’s picture. And, believe it or not, I’ve found myself wondering if clouds and clowns can apply to motherhood. Am I a clown or am I a cloud?

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if our very best efforts and intentions still end up being the wrong thing, to some. Surely I’m not the only mother that sometimes wonders how much easier it would be to forget all the conscious effort and intention, and just “go with the flow.” Each time my kids ask why they are the only ones that have chores after school, or the only ones that have to brush their teeth every day, or the only ones that ever have to practice instruments, I have to remind myself of what my intentions are. Why am I doing what I am doing?

Despite all the pressures to have ‘nice little clouds up in the corner of my drawings’, I’m daring to have a clown. And, despite all my valiant efforts to teach my kids to work hard, learn responsibility and obey family rules, there are times my kids still think I’m the only mother on the block who makes their kids clean toilets on Saturday mornings. They don’t always like my clown in the sky. They want a cloud.

I’m trying to teach them that there are reasons behind my decisions. I’m trying to help them to see that I don’t just arbitrarily make up all the rules, but that I’ve given it careful thought and consideration. I want my children to grasp that sometimes our efforts may turn into something delightful and treasured. It may just take a little time to see the result. Guess what I’m using to teach them?

That Sunday morning, had Megan drawn an appropriate, simple cloud on Luke’s picture, the work of art would very possibly have found its way in a garbage can before too long.  It probably would have never stood out among the seemingly never-ending pile of art projects that often adorn my desk or fridge.

Instead, that far from ordinary picture (a horse scene with a clown in the sky), hung in a prominent place in our home for weeks. It is now being carefully preserved in a safe place.   No one thinks of it as a ruined picture anymore. What made the difference? Megan’s genuine effort, careful thought, and sincere intent, albeit muddled up with Luke’s initial desire, have given us a final product that is a dear family treasure. So, forget the clouds that seem so ordinary—draw a clown instead.

Photo submitted by Tiffany Sowby

QUESTION: How can you feel greater confidence and contentment with the decisions you have made for you and your family?

CHALLENGE: Don’t feel pressured to conform to those around you, have the confidence to stand behind your parenting decisions.

Photo by Renjith Krishnan at www.freedigitalphotos.net

My “adopted” mother was an elegant woman with immaculate nails and gorgeous ebony skin. She and her father lived in a neighborhood on the far side of town where they owned a little piece of land that boasted lush flower gardens and a bountiful vegetable garden. I came to live with Alice when I was seventeen years old. Our family had to make an unexpected move in my Grade 12 year, and I was not ready to leave my childhood home town in the final year of high school. The dilemma posed for my parents was this: to allow me to stay in the area and graduate with my friends or to force me to move against my will and thus inflict on me feelings of resentment and anger. They, with love and open-mindedness, allowed me to stay behind. The next issue was deciding with whom I would stay. After exhausting a list of possibilities, we thought of my mother’s dear friend who happened to be unattached to any other familial responsibilities, and the decision was made to send me to live with Alice and her father, Stanley.

Prior to my knowing, Alice had indicated to my mother that she was more than willing to let me live at her house. However, being that she was a reflective woman, she was mindful that there might be unforeseen concerns on the horizon. Most obvious of which was that I was an active, vivacious teenager on the go and in need of transportation, food and supervision. But, a more subtle concern to Alice was the slight issue of my skin colour. I was as white as flour paste compared to her beautiful dark skin. We had different histories, different stories, and different cultural understandings of self and our place in this world. She expressed to my mother, unbeknownst to me, that she was worried about our differences. My mother assured her that this was a non-issue in our books. But still Alice fretted over it.

And so, it was decided. I would pack my bags, even as my family was unpacking theirs in another province. I would live with Alice for the remainder of my school year.

One day, after Alice and I had been under the same roof for quite some time, we found ourselves in the kitchen doing dishes together. I wiped the wet bowls and plates while she carefully washed. There was an easy banter between us, and then, out of the blue, Alice asked me this:

“Do you mind staying here?”

“Why?” I asked, looking at her strangely.

“Because we’re Black,” she said pointedly.

“You’re not black,” I replied, looking at her strangely.

“Yes, I am.” she said looking at me square on; challenging me with her eyes. I looked at her as well, and then I shrugged. Not flippantly, just nonchalantly. I held her gaze and then smiled. And as soon as I did, something happened. We both started laughing. And we laughed hard. Because truthfully, it did not matter anymore. It didn’t matter that I was white and she was black. We released this difference, and it washed away as cleanly as the grease on the plates in the sink.

We were simply Alice and Lori after that. And that was that.

Over the year that I lived with Alice, our relationship became more than just tenant and landlady. We became fast friends. And then a deeper relationship developed. She became, in essence, a surrogate mother to me and continued to be one over the years that followed. As I graduated from university, and later got married, Alice was there to share my joy. In time, she made a visit to my home in Prince Edward Island after the birth of my second child. Our bond continued to solidify over the years, and we remained close in spite of the miles that separated us.

She died just after Mother’s Day in 2007 while I was expecting our last child. It grieves me that my four children never really knew their surrogate grandmother. She took great interest in the older three during their early years, calling often to find out how everyone was doing. Each birthday and special holiday was marked by cards and gifts specially selected by Alice for each child according to their interests and preferences. She had a knack of picking out things that suited the receiver to a T.

Alice’s influence on me over the years has given me pause for reflection, not the least of which, for reflecting on what it means to be a mother. Although she never had an opportunity to birth and raise children of her own, she certainly was a mother-at-heart to me until she passed on. To me, Alice epitomizes what a mother truly is: a nurturing caregiver with the attitude to parent those in their protection. Alice had the desire to be a mother. She never had the opportunity to have children of her own, and this pained her, I am sure. But she was everything a mother should be and more. In my heart, I believe that I was part of Alice’s reason for why she was placed here on this earth. I needed her influence in my life: to challenge me to accept people for who they are, where they are and how they are. But on a personal level, I just needed her love.

And she gave it freely.

On Mother’s Day, I will celebrate the day with my own dearly loved Mom and my mother-in-law, whom I have come to care about deeply. But a little piece of my heart will always be saved for Alice, for whom I was always known, and recognized as such in her lovely eulogy, as a “daughter-at-heart.”

I had the chance to go away by myself  for three whole days to speak at a conference for teenagers.  It was a completely new experience!  Rarely do I get on an airplane without a bag of toys, drive a rental car without a carseat in the back, eat at a restaurant without ordering a kid” meal, or stay in a hotel where I can sleep whenever I want!  Ahh…three days of paradise (or so I thought).

Having a chance to take on a new adventure does something for the soul, and I am so grateful that my husband was willing to take on all four of our children by himself so I could have this opportunity.  I’m glad I went–not because I wanted to be away from my family, but because I appreciate them so much more now that I am home.

At the conference, I wondered if I was really needed.  Hopefully, I contributed some value while I was there, but what I love about home is that I NEVER wonder if I am really needed.  It is painfully obvious every minute of the day that someone needs me right now!

When my speaking assignment was finished on the last day, I quietly packed up my things and walked out to the parking lot without a word.  At home, everyone notices when I leave.  “Why are you wearing lipstick, Mommy?”  “Why are you holding your car keys?”  “What time are you going to come home?”  I never leave the house without at least twelve kisses, several hugs, a plea to stay home just a little longer, or maybe even a little sticker to put on my shirt.

The world is a pretty nice place, I must say.  People are generally courteous, friendly, helpful, and caring, but nothing compares to the love a mommy gets in her home.  When I pulled up to my home after my trip, this is what I saw on the door:

They’re all “Welcome Home” signs, in case you can’t read them very well.  My eyes welled up with tears, relief washed through my whole body, and I FINALLY understood what my mom has been telling me all along:  You can look everywhere else for happiness, but you’ll find it right in your own backyard.

QUESTION:  How many times have you wondered if you were important to those you love the most?

CHALLENGE:  Take time this week to notice when your family shows their appreciation for you and acknowledge it!