But I would add a message of caution as well. Life is full of ups and downs, and your uncle was a unique man — most of us are not always joyful. I worry that some readers will feel guilty or unworthy if they struggle in striving to be joyful through trials. How many women might wonder, “What’s WRONG with me, if I struggle with being joyful through my little trials while her uncle was joyful while dying in pain?” (Nothing’s wrong, it’s just that you’re HUMAN having a human experience). We need to be careful about giving women another way that they do not measure up as mothers and wives.

My mother died of cancer a few years ago — she died surrounded by her loved ones and she was an inspiration to many in the way she faced her illness. But we shared her tears as well as her laughter in the end, and I would not trade those tender moments for anything. I did not expect her to be joyful all the time, nor do I expect it of myself. My closest friends are not the perpetually joyful, they are the people with whom I can share the reality of my life, my ups AND downs, without making me feel shame or rejection when I am having a rough day and need a shoulder to cry on. They lift me up, and in turn I lift them up when they need it. Sharing burdens (and joys) with one another and “mourning with those that mourn” builds community — it’s so important it’s part of the baptismal covenant of many churches. That doesn’t mean we wallow in bitterness, but that we acknowledge trials, grief, and sadness as part of life, and recognize that sometimes it is very hard to choose joy and that’s okay.

My only point is, sometimes when we expect perfection of ourselves, the message of grace can be lost. So choose to be joyful! just don’t expect to be perfect at it.

Thanks so much for this touching tribute to your uncle. What a wonderful way to end the day by expressing that it was perfect!