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- Perspectives on Emotion: (6) As mothers of young children, how do we deal with our children's tantrums--the ones where they get totally out of control for 20 minutes and nothing can calm them down?
Perspectives on Emotion: (6) As mothers of young children, how do we deal with our children's tantrums--the ones where they get totally out of control for 20 minutes and nothing can calm them down?
- By The Power of Moms
- Published 02/9/2008
- The Power of Sharing Ideas: What Works
A1. This one gets a little tricky. First, it depends on whether you are out in public or not. If so, you will obviously want to try to get home as soon as possible. If you are not able to get home, do not give in to the tantrum. Even young children can learn whether or not a tantrum will "work" to get what they want. I try to keep my voice calm, happy, and sweet and say, "We don't scream and yell, sweetheart. We need to calm down." (over and over and over). Yelling or getting frustrated will only end up making you stressed out. It takes a lot of control to maintain your poise, but it will pay off in the end when you realize the problem is not yours--your child is just learning to communicate.
A2. Try to anticipate tantrums. My oldest daughter always had them around 10:30 and 1:30, so we started doing two quiet times a day. Those are times when I did not go anywhere (which is sometimes hard to do if you have other schedules to consider). We would have automatic rest times before my daughter would start getting fussy, and after a few weeks of that new routine, the tantrums mostly stopped.
A3. I agree with the suggestions above in A1 and A2. Our incredible children are just trying to learn to communicate as we help them learn to navigate their life in a healthy, replenishing way. I have found that as I validate, restate, find out, and help my children learn to contribute workable solutions, I gain their trust to demonstrate the sophisticated, positive, hopeful, and cheerful examples of what my children are baffled to articulate on their own. Using skills such as these have helped me erase the stress caused by trying to just keep myself and my children in control. Win/win negotiation skills are also peaceful to use in public and help set a public standard for mutual respect that is uplifting and refreshing to hear. Teaching my children in this way has empowered me to enjoy parenting no matter the situation or location where honor and obedience to solid principles navigates the parent/child relationship. I think what we want is parenting that is so great it is breathtaking.
A2. Try to anticipate tantrums. My oldest daughter always had them around 10:30 and 1:30, so we started doing two quiet times a day. Those are times when I did not go anywhere (which is sometimes hard to do if you have other schedules to consider). We would have automatic rest times before my daughter would start getting fussy, and after a few weeks of that new routine, the tantrums mostly stopped.
A3. I agree with the suggestions above in A1 and A2. Our incredible children are just trying to learn to communicate as we help them learn to navigate their life in a healthy, replenishing way. I have found that as I validate, restate, find out, and help my children learn to contribute workable solutions, I gain their trust to demonstrate the sophisticated, positive, hopeful, and cheerful examples of what my children are baffled to articulate on their own. Using skills such as these have helped me erase the stress caused by trying to just keep myself and my children in control. Win/win negotiation skills are also peaceful to use in public and help set a public standard for mutual respect that is uplifting and refreshing to hear. Teaching my children in this way has empowered me to enjoy parenting no matter the situation or location where honor and obedience to solid principles navigates the parent/child relationship. I think what we want is parenting that is so great it is breathtaking.