“Children!  Get your shoes on!  Oh, Ethan, did you forget socks again?  Please go get some socks—it’s cold outside!  Grace, when you do somersaults after I do your hair, it gets all messed up.  Now I have to brush it again.  Please bring me the brush.  How did the floor get covered in muffin crumbs?  Didn’t I just sweep this floor?”  As any mother of busy children, I could type on and on and on. 

            This is a small sample of what ejected from my mouth the other day as I was trying to get all of the children out the door. Where did I need to go?  To the craft store…to buy garland for our banister…to make our home look homey and festive…so my children would feel the “holiday spirit” in our home. 

            Fortunately, the irony of the situation hit me before I could get any more perturbed, so we made some changes to the day’s itinerary and decided instead to stay home, pop some popcorn, and listen to some of our favorite Christmas songs.  The mood in the house immediately changed for the better, and I decided that our staircase will look just fine “sans garland” this year (not that I have to abandon every errand when things don’t run perfectly, but in this case, the garland was not worth the effort).

            When I am frustrated by the messes and pandemonium surrounding my home and family, the source of the stress is usually me: I am either tired, unorganized, overly-aware of my imperfections, worried about something, or all of the above.  Sometimes in an effort to do what I think my family needs (like hang garland), I forget that the very nicest gift I can give my children is a happy mother. 

            Throughout the past few weeks, I have found some ways to keep the happy side of me around more often.  After all, the best gifts are for keeps—not given and taken back again and again.  The most helpful solutions for me have been to simplify, to redefine “good mother,” and to savor the moments when I truly feel happy.

          Simplifying sounds like such a (pardon my lack of a better word) simple thing to do, but to anyone who has really tried, you know it takes more discipline and clear-thinking than one would expect. A google search of “simplify + life + moms” reveals a plethora (don’t you love that word?) of articles and tips that inspired me to move more slowly, breathe more deeply, and enjoy life more fully.  After ten minutes of surfing through the finds of my search, I felt almost immune to the coercive voices of advertisements, sales-people, and my own ego that beg me to shop, spend, and be busy, busy, busy with things that do not really matter.  If I am not careful, I feel more like a human doing than a human being.  How many times do I need to relearn that less is more.

            I also feel more like a happy mother when I look past my imperfections and consider myself to be a “good” mother.  Social stereotypes cloud my judgment on many days, and I think I am only good if I look the part:  a spotless house, a clean shirt (and make-up!) children who never whine or get messy, a voice that never fluctuates from “peaceful and calm,” labeled, color-coded closets, and beautiful, healthy meals served on a tablecloth with a nice centerpiece.  With the expectations I set for myself, I will never be “good” enough.  However, by redefining good mother to mean someone who loves her children and does the best she can to care for them while simultaneously being a whole person, I am reaching the mark practically every day!

            A third factor in becoming a happy mom has been to savor my happy moments.  A wise friend once told me that no one is happy 24 hours a day, but the key is to enjoy the happy moments when they come.  Watching my daughters come up with dance routines, tickling my four-year-old, cooing at my newborn, and seeing my seven-year-old delight in learning to write Morse code are a few happy moments that I savored today.  It does not make the not-so-happy moments go away, but as any photographer can tell you, what you do not focus on becomes a blur. 

            The story of my “garland-that-was-not-to be” actually has a happy ending.  I told a friend of mine how I had chosen to reduce the length of my “to do” list by eliminating the garland purchase, and the next day, she called me from the craft store saying, “Garland is 50 percent off, and I am buying it for you.  How many do you want?”  Even though this was a very minor “problem,” which probably sounds silly compared to the more serious problems that many mothers are facing, the principle is the same, and it was taught very simply and poignantly by my friend.  When I thanked her for thinking of me, she said, “Moms have to stick together.”  Those words meant more to me than she knew. 

            I hope that all of us can be happy mothers.  It is a cherished gift that will mean the most to our children and to us.