General Methods

1. Praise. Reinforce your children's self-image and individuality and build their confidence -- that is required for self-reliance. Like flowers under rain and sunshine, children blossom and bloom under recognition and praise. "Catch them doing something good" and when you do, give effusive praise! When they make mistakes or fall short, help them accept responsibility for it and then praise that acceptance to the point that their pride in their self-reliance outshines their concern over the shortcoming.

2. Use yourself as the model and example. Show your children that you "value this value" and that you work for it. Take every opportunity to show your children how you are trying to improve. Talk about the things you think you're good at and working to be better at.

Show pleasure in things you do well. Also, be obvious about taking the blame for mistakes you make. Say, "You know, that was my fault. Here's what I could have done differently. . . ."

Let your children see that you can accept responsibility and blame and let them see that you take pride in who you are and that you are working to be better.

Sample Method for Adolescent Age: Avoid Overprotectiveness

Build your adolescent's self-respect, self-confidence, and self-reliance. Have clear rules (curfew, etc.) but within these, trust your adolescents and make a point of telling them that you not only trust them but have confidence in their ability to handle themselves and the situations they find themselves in.

This principle applies to smaller children also. Too many well-meaning parents may prevent a skinned knee or even a broken arm by being overly protective physically, but in the process they may exert undue influence and diminish the feelings of self-reliance and self-control.