Identify What’s Behind the Feelings

This mental gravity I’m talking about often influences us through our feelings.  We start feeling tired, frustrated, angry, lonely…you’ve been there.  One thing that has helped me get over this is staying in tune with my feelings and learning to identify why I’m feeling that way.  One of my college professors presented the idea that we can actually control how we feel (not a popular notion in a world where people justify their actions based on the feelings that “made” them do it).  After each stimulus, there is a space in which we get to choose our response.  We don’t have to be victims. 

I think of this when the children are fighting over who gets to crack the egg into the cookie dough and I want to scream “Then let’s just forget these darn cookies!!!”  Sometimes I will feel grumpy and upset (I’m human!), but I’m trying to train myself to ask, “What’s going on?”  Rarely is the “egg” the real problem.  Usually I’m tired, feeling stressed about a problem, or thinking negative thoughts about myself.  Sometimes I’ve simply planned way too much to get done that day, and I need to settle down and take a break.  And occasionally I need to check the calendar and see if perhaps my hormones are out-of-whack (let’s be honest with ourselves, Ladies).  If so, I breathe a sigh of relief and go lay down on the couch with a fudge bar. 

Think About Your Thoughts

Tons of books out there have advice on how to think.  Positive thinking won’t get you out of an abusive relationship or make bad habits go away, but in normal, healthy situations, controlling your thoughts is one of the BEST ways to counteract gravity.  Great thoughts can pull you up faster than gravity can pull you down.  Two of my favorite “thought” books are As a Man Thinketh and What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.  If this is a tough area for you, consider devoting some time to thinking about (and working on) your thoughts.

Choose to Act

We are fortunate women.  We live in a time and place where we have the rights and the freedom to make our own choices.  Let’s choose to act.  Let’s act as though we are already the people we want to become.  Each day, as I am trying to choose wisely regarding how I speak to my husband, how I treat my children, and how I spend my time, I visualize my true self emerging from my old self.  Sometimes we don’t feel like exerting the effort it takes to grow, but even if we just move a tiny bit closer to what we want to be, that’s something to be applauded.  We ought to send ourselves e-certificates of appreciation at the end of particularly stressful days! 

We don’t have to give in to all the things that want to bring us down.  The grumpy lady at the school, the dishwasher breaking down, all those “866” numbers that keep showing up on caller ID, cars needing maintenance, carpets getting stained, a refrigerator that you swear you just stocked, a baby bottom with a really bad diaper rash, ear infections, coughs, feet that grow so fast that you’re a regular at the shoe store, mail that keeps pouring in, phones that keep ringing….

We can be more.  We will be more.  Moms can have goals, and yes, it might be hard for us to reach them--really hard, sometimes.  We need to carefully plan our schedules if we want to take extra classes or exercise, we need to make time just to think so we can figure out what kinds of experiences we want to have with our families, we need to demonstrate extreme discipline if we want to forego all the junk food that looks mighty tasty at 3 pm, and we have to take deep breaths and work at being patient constantly.

Just keeping up with the basics of work, home and family life can take every ounce of strength we have, but there’s that quiet voice inside that challenges us to do a little more and be a little better, even when it’s hard.  That is the voice I listen to.  That is the voice I strain to hear when gravity is pulling me every which way.  We get to choose for ourselves (each hour) who we are becoming and which voice in our head will win out.   Only other mothers truly understand what you’re going through.  We get it.  We’re here to help our fellow mothers to learn how to find happiness and be their best selves.  It may sound idealistic and unrealistic, but I have no doubt that as we support and learn from each other, we, as mothers, will jump off our proverbial top bunks and actually fly.

CHALLENGE:

Identify the top few ways that “gravity” tries to keep you down, and choose just one thing you will do differently to become the person you know you really are.  Write it down (even in code, if you don’t want all your guests or family members asking about it) and put it somewhere where it can remind you of your goal each day.