The song, “Defying Gravity” from the musical Wicked was my inspiration for this article.  It inspires me to not accept limits that I place on myself or that others place on me.  Whenever I am feeling particularly frustrated and want to throw in the towel, I go for a jog and listen to the hope-filled words of the “wicked” witch of the west.  Do I want to be a witch?  No.  Do I want to do what no one expects?  Absolutely. 

It’s a common understanding that no one expects much from mothers.  Society understands that motherhood is tough, and although it may seem that there are endless lists of impossible expectations out there to keep a spotless house, carpool to every sporting event, and balance mothering with a high-powered career, “real” people out there typically don’t have those expectations.  If you meet someone for the first time and introduce yourself as a mother (even if there are other things you could say), you’ll usually receive a smile and an “Oh, that’s nice,” and then the topic will change to something more “interesting.” 

People generally don’t expect mothers to have anything important to say.  I know better than that.  There is much more to you than society realizes…and maybe more than you realize.  I don’t mind if others have low expectations for me, but the problem is when those low expectations become the ONLY ones I ever have for myself.

In order to be the kind of women that we consider to be great, we need to carefully examine and create exciting, yet realistic expectations for ourselves.  This is not intended to stress us out by demanding that we run faster that our strength allows; instead, this is meant to lift us to where we know we belong.  Feeling great about our lives and putting our families at the top of our priority lists are not mutually exclusive.

So How Do We Start?

Here are a couple of ideas that are fairly simple to execute.  First, we can do something that is hard every day (even if it is just something simple).  There is a constant gravity that tries to keep us in a rut, and stretching ourselves daily will get us out of that rut.  We can email someone we admire to ask for advice, take a leap by finally learning a language, be patient when we don’t want to be, work for 20 minutes on an online college course, spend time with a neighbor who we know needs a friend, organize a book club, or submit an article for publication (The Power of Moms would love to publish your work, hint, hint). 

These aren’t things that have to take away from our families—these are things that can replace time-wasting and give us something motivating to think about during the day.  We all know that we waste time every day in meaningless conversations, watching TV reruns, or looking at silly stuff on the Internet.  What if we took 20 minutes of that wasted time and tackled something scary?  BIG results are what we’ll get.  Let me add a disclaimer here:  if you are pregnant or otherwise overwhelmed with life, just living “counts” as something hard.  Please don’t put undue pressure on yourself.

Another idea is to figure out what you like to do, and then start to do it.  It’s hard to know who you really are after your world has been changed forever by your little cherub(s), but one step we can take toward defying the gravity that pulls us away from our true selves is to identify what we like.  Make a list.  What did you like to do when you were younger?  If you could do anything right now, what would it be?  What are some things you could feasibly fit into your life right now that would be enjoyable to you?  By coming up with a list of things I love, and making a little bit of time to do them, I give myself permission to be a person again.  If you don’t have a list, consider getting one ready.  I feel happy when I remember, and act as though, life isn’t all drudgery.  I like a lot of things!