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- Lining Up With the Peanut Butter
Lining Up With the Peanut Butter
- By April Perry
- Published 08/15/2008
- Helpful Hints on How to Think
I have a small garage and a long minivan, which means I need to park perfectly each time I get home so we can shut the garage door and still have room to maneuver ourselves into the house. I figured out a great system! To my left as I pull in, I have a set of tall metal shelves where I keep extra ketchup, barbecue sauce, canned foods, paper goods, and peanut butter. All I have to do is line up my head with the last jar of peanut butter, and I'm golden. This worked great for about six weeks, and I would smile smugly at my husband every time I parked (I hadn't told him my peanut butter trick, so he had a harder time getting the van in "just right".).
One night after taking a babysitter home, I was a little afraid of some partygoers down the street, so I decided to shut myself in the garage with the remote before I got out of the car. I lined myself up with the peanut butter, as usual, pressed the little button on the remote, and then heard "SCCRRRRAAAATTTTCCCCHHHH!" I froze. It had been loud--loud enough that I was sure my husband had heard it from inside the house. I moved the van up a couple of inches, got out carefully and walked tentatively to the rear of the van. Yep--there was a huge scratch down the back of our brand new vehicle, courtesy of the garage door. Well, courtesy of me, but I can blame the door, right?
As I walked back into the house, I looked over at the peanut butter and realized that I had inadvertantly moved it the day before when I was looking for some jelly. I felt that embarrassed-sick feeling as I sheepishly walked into the house and told my husband the news (which he'd already guessed). "I lined up with the peanut butter, but it had moved!" I said in my defense. He took it surprisingly well and said, "How about we hang a tennis ball from the ceiling so you can be SURE you're in the right spot each time?" So now we have a nice little tennis ball that bumps my windshield when I'm in the sweet spot, and I have no more scratches on my van.
Why am I telling you this? Because there's a lesson here that has less to do with garages and paint jobs and more to do with where our reference points are for the decisions we make each day. We all have a standard for our lives that dictates how we'll spend our days, how much we'll charge to our credit cards, what we will wear, how much attention we'll give our children and spouses, how long we'll spend cleaning our homes, and how well we'll take care of our bodies and minds. This standard also influences what we worry about, what we say or write, who we will call, who we'll compare ourselves to, and how we will think. The question of the day is, "What is our standard?"
Some standards can, like my jar of peanut butter, MOVE. Even when we don't think they will. The Supermom standard enforced by the media has a strong hold out there. Looks are EVERYTHING. You know the drill--you've got to have the perfect house, perfect smile, the most fashionable ensemble, trendy jewelry, a hip car, "popular" circles in which to network and enjoy ritzy parties, and all the other stuff that goes with becoming the envy of the neighborhood. Those who can benefit from the emptying of our pocketbooks would have us window-shop blogs for a better life, buy every product offered for three easy payments of $9.95, and never feel satisfied because then we won't buy things from them.
Making moms feel substandard is a well-calculated economical effort, but the problem with this is that these standards are going to change. What is cute now won't be "in" this Spring. All the stuff we buy is going to break down or wear out at some point, and then where will we be? We'll be sitting in our garages wondering how we got a huge scratch down the back of our minivan--that's where we'll be!
There's another choice, though. We can drill a hole through a tennis ball, hang it from the perfect place in the ceiling with a string, and have a standard that won't change--regardless of the shifting that's natural with life. We each get to decide what our own "tennis ball" standard will be, but since I don't know your thoughts, I'm just going to share a few ideas about mine.
One night after taking a babysitter home, I was a little afraid of some partygoers down the street, so I decided to shut myself in the garage with the remote before I got out of the car. I lined myself up with the peanut butter, as usual, pressed the little button on the remote, and then heard "SCCRRRRAAAATTTTCCCCHHHH!" I froze. It had been loud--loud enough that I was sure my husband had heard it from inside the house. I moved the van up a couple of inches, got out carefully and walked tentatively to the rear of the van. Yep--there was a huge scratch down the back of our brand new vehicle, courtesy of the garage door. Well, courtesy of me, but I can blame the door, right?
As I walked back into the house, I looked over at the peanut butter and realized that I had inadvertantly moved it the day before when I was looking for some jelly. I felt that embarrassed-sick feeling as I sheepishly walked into the house and told my husband the news (which he'd already guessed). "I lined up with the peanut butter, but it had moved!" I said in my defense. He took it surprisingly well and said, "How about we hang a tennis ball from the ceiling so you can be SURE you're in the right spot each time?" So now we have a nice little tennis ball that bumps my windshield when I'm in the sweet spot, and I have no more scratches on my van.
Why am I telling you this? Because there's a lesson here that has less to do with garages and paint jobs and more to do with where our reference points are for the decisions we make each day. We all have a standard for our lives that dictates how we'll spend our days, how much we'll charge to our credit cards, what we will wear, how much attention we'll give our children and spouses, how long we'll spend cleaning our homes, and how well we'll take care of our bodies and minds. This standard also influences what we worry about, what we say or write, who we will call, who we'll compare ourselves to, and how we will think. The question of the day is, "What is our standard?"
Some standards can, like my jar of peanut butter, MOVE. Even when we don't think they will. The Supermom standard enforced by the media has a strong hold out there. Looks are EVERYTHING. You know the drill--you've got to have the perfect house, perfect smile, the most fashionable ensemble, trendy jewelry, a hip car, "popular" circles in which to network and enjoy ritzy parties, and all the other stuff that goes with becoming the envy of the neighborhood. Those who can benefit from the emptying of our pocketbooks would have us window-shop blogs for a better life, buy every product offered for three easy payments of $9.95, and never feel satisfied because then we won't buy things from them.
Making moms feel substandard is a well-calculated economical effort, but the problem with this is that these standards are going to change. What is cute now won't be "in" this Spring. All the stuff we buy is going to break down or wear out at some point, and then where will we be? We'll be sitting in our garages wondering how we got a huge scratch down the back of our minivan--that's where we'll be!
There's another choice, though. We can drill a hole through a tennis ball, hang it from the perfect place in the ceiling with a string, and have a standard that won't change--regardless of the shifting that's natural with life. We each get to decide what our own "tennis ball" standard will be, but since I don't know your thoughts, I'm just going to share a few ideas about mine.
Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by Diana Bibolet)
I loved this article. It is hard sometimes to re-focus on what is really important. Our families, friends and others we come in contact with. Giving attention, time and affection is always much easier than we think. Thank you for this very important and humble reminder April!
Comment #2 (Posted by Callie Crum)
April, that was a very touching, very well written article. I've got a couple of friends going through some tragic things this week as well, and it is a good reminder that dirty dishes are not as important as love and service to family and friends. I'm glad I took the time to read you article today. You are a fabulous mom and I admire your desire to reach out and uplift others!
Comment #3 (Posted by Lani Hilton)
what a powerful analogy this is! We are just trying to figure out how to park in our new garage and can very much relate---not only the garge but setting up the schedule for the new school year too. Very thoughtfully written! Thank you.
Comment #4 (Posted by Saren)
I love this article. You're such a great writer. You captured something I've been struggling with but hadn't really identified I was struggling with until I read your article. It's so very easy to get caught up in things that really don't matter and hold ourselves up against expectations that we actually don't care about that much once we step back and really look at things. Thanks so much for this!