What is perfect? It’s such a personal thing. If I were to ask you to describe your “perfect” day, it would most likely be different from the description I would give. What about the perfect man, or the perfect meal, or the perfect weather? The media is always trying to impose their definition of perfect on to us. Movies, television, and magazines all tell us what kind of cars to drive, homes to live in, clothes to wear and how we should look. I think that happiness comes when you find what is perfect for YOU, and being true to yourself and accepting the uniqueness that is your life. It’s very easy to get caught up I what others think.

You know the feeling when you hear a knock of an unexpected guest on your front door; you look around at the toys all over the floor and dishes piled up in the sink? The thought occurs to you, “Just stay very quiet and maybe they won’t think we’re home!” The thought of someone judging your housekeeping skills on this one moment is almost too much to bear. A few years ago when my husband and I were considering selling our home, my husband brought a friend of ours over to the house to give us an idea of what improvements would need to be made on our home in order to make it ready for market. This particular friend is a real estate agent, and we both valued his professional opinion. Their surprise visit caught me off guard. It had been a busy week, and many of the household chores had not been taken care of.

           As he brought our friend upstairs to look at the bedrooms, I was mortified. I’ll spare you the details, but the house was messy. I gave my husband “the look” that told him that I was completely humiliated. If he just could have given me a week’s notice. He told me “guys don’t even notice a mess.” Believe me, this guy does. His home looks like a model home. I’ve seen it. Everything organized and clean all the time. At least, that’s how it looks to me. I felt completely exposed as a stood there in my hall way with nothing to hide. All our stuff scattered about for the world (our friend) to see. I just knew that he must think that I am lazy, and that every time he would see me in the future, he would think it again. As I asked that he “please excuse the mess” he was very polite, but I could read his mind. “Whoa, what does she do all day? How can they live like this? What slobs! My wife won’t believe this.” I could just feel his judgment being heaped upon me. But the truth is, my husband was probably right.

That night as I lay in bed reviewing my traumatic event of the day, I started to smile. “This is real life” I thought. Why was the house such a mess? Because I chose to help the kids with homework, take time to prepare a nice dinner, read a book to a child, drive my children to and from all their various activities, shop for things the family needed, help at school, and on and on. Yes, there is a time for cleaning house. But when life starts coming at you fast, you just have to handle things as they come. I realized that I don’t need the house to be perfectly clean for me to be happy.

Our fifth child was born 10 weeks premature. He weighed only 2lb. 6 oz. He stayed in the hospital for 10 weeks after his birth. Our first four children were easy pregnancies, full term babies and they all came home with me the day after they were born. I assumed that my fifth pregnancy would not be any different. When I was 24 weeks pregnant I was put on bed rest. Something I had never experienced before. It was frustrating, depressing, and I was feeling anxious about the well being of the baby. But I was happy. I felt privileged to have the opportunity to have another child. I had friends who visited me and helped me to take care of my family. The time I spent resting gave me the chance to visit with friends who would come by to see me. I was forced to slow down and spend time talking to friends and reading good books. Something that I thought I was way too busy to do before then.

When the baby was six weeks old, we found out that he had Down syndrome. My first reaction was one of denial. I have four completely normal and healthy children. I just couldn’t imagine that anything could ever go wrong. Why? How? What is Down syndrome? I felt confident that I was a good mother, but was I qualified to be the mother of a child with special needs? Then my thoughts turned to the future. What will life be like for my sweet boy when other children notice that he is different? Will they be kind and patient or rude and hurtful? What about when he is a young adult trying to make his way in the world? What about his future? Then I realized that most of the same questions could be asked about any of my other children. There are no guarantees in life. All my children will face challenges in their lives. I began to be grateful for all this special child would bring into our family life. Grateful that God would entrust this child to my care. Our baby is one year old now. Our older children love and adore him. They understand that their little brother will always rely on them. I know that I don’t need my children to be perfect for me to be happy.

As I type on my husband’s lap top computer, I’m sitting at the dining room table. Since my husband is self employed, he works out of our home. We don’t have an extra room for him to use as an office, so his business has taken over our dining room. Papers, books and files are everywhere. I’ve lost my formal dining room. I’d love to place a pretty table cloth on the table and decorate it with a vase of beautiful fresh cut flowers. All the clutter makes me crazy sometimes! Then the thought comes to my mind…I’m so glad that my husband has a job and we can pay our bills. I’m so glad that I get to see him during the day and that we can have lunch together. So our dining room isn’t fit for entertaining. That’s okay. I can still be happy.

I think that happiness comes from gratitude. Yes, the house is messy. But I have a house. My children may not always make good choices, but they’re my children. Their mistakes will help them to grow. There will always be hardships and disappointment in our lives. Some days will be better than others. But with a positive attitude and gratitude always in your heart, there will be perfect days.