I have a thing for combining hot and cold. It’s like putting an ice cube in my hot chocolate, soaking in a hot tub on a cold winter night, or watching a big blazing sun rest on top of a snowy horizon. The cold meets the heat, and together they create perfection. Being a mom and also an individual have the very same outcome as this hot and cold phenomenon. We can make two seemingly incompatible things, like being a mom and taking care of ourselves, come together in perfect harmony.
Every mama has a quiet, built-in, “comes-with-the-package-of-parenting,” part of herself that sacrifices her needs when responsibility calls for it. And while sacrificing and taking care of others before ourselves feels good and right, those feelings can only last so long before that inner-self, that source from which we give, starts to wither, slowly taking with it our motivation, inspiration, contentment and patience. The cardinal rule of flight should apply to the journey of motherhood as well. Put on your own oxygen mask before you assist someone else with theirs. In other words, you can’t be who others need you to be without taking care of yourself first.
I will admit that some days the first words out of my mouth when my husband walks through the door after a long day at work are: “I need a break!” And after commencing a baby hand-off, I grab a book or my running shoes and take a moment to fill up the source that allows me to continually give on a job that never clocks out. Some days I only need a few minutes, other days I need longer in order to connect with that part of myself I’ve been ignoring for a little while, that unique individual who lives and breathes inside of me. The girl who still loves to travel and write, read and find ways to get those creative juices flowing. She is passionate about exercise, learning and eating healthy.
I am a mom who is still pursuing my dreams. Granted, by being a mom I am already living my dreams. Little did I know in all those years of dreaming of having my own baby, of caring for baby dolls as if they were the real deal, of compiling lists of baby names I would someday use, that all those desires would culminate in this heart-throbbing, soul-satisfying love I have for my kids. But, that is not the only thing that defines me. And it doesn’t mean the things I loved before mommy-hood just disappeared. My passions, hobbies, and who I am without my kids are still very much a part of me. And when my mommy alter ego is feeling stretched at the seams, pulled in all different directions, these passions of mine are the needle and thread that stitch the gap between the individual and the mama inside. Together, they allow me to give my all to the people I love most.
The best part about owning the title of Mother is that we don’t have to be defined solely by motherhood. There is a framework of interests, dreams and passions that make us individuals who are strong enough to stand alone. I am also a wife, I read, I write, I pray. I am a nature lover, a picture taker and a beauty maker. And yet, there is nothing I would rather be defined by more than my children.
QUESTION: What is the oxygen mask you use to fill up your individual life?
CHALLENGE: Make a list of your passions, the things you love besides your children, that define you. Then find time this week to make a huge deposit in that part of yourself that allows you to be a better mom.
Image Source: Kortni Miller
heather bell says
reading, a bath, A dr pepper on fridays, exercising, writing. Of course these don’t happen that often. I have 4 kids (age 8-1). Phew. Most days I am pooped to even do that stuff! But you said it right when it comes to being defined by your children.
Amanda Hamilton Roos says
beautiful!
maileinchina says
This beautiful post reflects what I’ve been feeling lately. Like the other commenter, I also have 4 kids ages 8 to 1 and recently I have been feeling tapped out. I’m coming to realize that at the end of the day when my kids are in bed, there will always be more housework that could be done, e-mails that could be answered, etc. etc. But I need to start prioritizing me during that time. Reading a book and scrapbooking are 2 of my favorite outlets. And when it’s been too long since I’ve had the chance to do them – especially scrapbooking because at least I can get reading squeezed into my day in 2 minute increments 🙂 – I do feel like I’ll come apart at the seams. So I’m going to get off the computer now and get to it!
Bethany says
I like to think that I can use those things that define me to be a better mother. Music is a huge part of me. The more I put music in my day, the better I am as a person and mother. I can love my children better through music than I can without it. My son and I have finally figured out that violin practice in the morning starts both our days off better. When I play music while cleaning, I work faster and happier. And when I inevitably need a few moments without any of my children in the same room as me, listening to music while I run or playing the piano without interruption makes all the difference in my mood when I face my kids again.