Photo by clear_image@sbcglobal.net
You may have been too busy returning Christmas presents to notice, but on December 28th, hundreds of mothers gathered at 250 Target stores across the United States to stage a “nurse-in” by collectively breastfeeding their babies in public. Acting in response to an incident in Texas where a woman was asked by Target employees to use a fitting room to breastfeed her baby, the group hopes to change attitudes and even federal law by lobbying Congress to make public breastfeeding a right. Currently, forty-five states protect a mother’s right to breastfeed in public–Texas being one of them–but clearly the Target employees didn’t know the state law or the company policy.
Having nursed all four of my own children more times in public than I can remember, I am all for public breastfeeding. You do what you have to do when a small baby gets hungry at church, the beach, Disneyland, or while shopping at Target. But in all my years of breastfeeding in public, I can’t remember anyone ever giving me a hard time or asking me to move to another location. (Though I have vague memories of a dirty look or two.) It makes me wonder about the details of the story. It makes me wonder if this breastfeeding mom was making any attempt to be discreet.
Just a few weeks ago while standing in line to see Santa with my husband and two youngest daughters, I saw something that made my jaw drop. The woman standing in front of me was breastfeeding her baby without making any effort whatsoever to cover up. There, for the entire world to see as she walked through the line, was this woman’s fleshy muffin top, her undergarments, her feeding apparatus (you following me?), and of course, the nursing baby. I was dumbfounded. Had she no sense of personal modesty? No concern for public decency? I understand she may be comfortable with herself, but does that mean the rest of us have to be comfortable with every last part of her too? All it takes is a light blanket (which she had in her stroller) or some none-too-challenging arranging of her shirt to cover what the baby doesn’t need. Or she could have sat comfortably on a bench nearby. Her husband was with her and could have easily stayed with their other children if she wanted to excuse herself for a few minutes.
Among the several news sources citing the Target story, I watched a video of some women participating in the “nurse-in” and one of them had this to say: “It’s normal. It’s nature. And if people have an issue with it they need to look into themselves because it’s their problem.” Again, I don’t know the specific details of the Target story and I’m not certain of the intent of this particular woman’s comment, but after seeing what I saw while standing in line for Santa I can’t help but wonder to what degree we should be sharing every aspect of these natural occurrences with the general public.
Maybe it’s just me, but there are a lot of “natural” things we do as human beings every day that, while expected and accepted, are generally kept private. I’m pretty sure no one wants me to floss my teeth next to them during a movie or clip my toenails in the library. (To use the tamest examples of “natural” acts.) What can I say? I think breastfeeding a baby in public is something that should be accepted – but I also think that like it or not, the full display of a woman’s breasts in public is uncomfortable for many people. As it works perfectly well to feed a baby while covering up to some degree, why not be discreet?
Question: So what do you think? Even if we all agree that breast feeding in public should be legal, supported, and accepted as natural, should mothers still try to be somewhat modest and discreet?
7 comments
Elizabeth says:
Jan 6, 2012
Totally agree! As a mother of 4 children, I have had to nurse in public many times. The older kids have activities and need to get out, go to the park, etc. and the little baby needs to eat! I had a favorite bench at our park when I was nursing where I could monitor my older kids on the playground and nurse my baby, covered with a blanket (I never did buy one of those cool nursing covers with the tie around the neck…and I nursed in public just fine!) I do recall other people taking a double take now and again, but I was comfortable because I knew I was covered, my baby and children were happy and being looked after, so how could I possibly be offending anyone? My hope was that such people would consider this and get over it. No one ever said anything to me, so I think that’s precisely what they did. Part of the wonderful thing about nursing is that it is exclusively shared between mother and infant. Besides the need to be modest and cover our bodies appropriately, I think covering up when nursing in public respects this special bond the mother and baby are sharing while nursing. But protection of such delicate, sweet and sacred things is not protected in our society so much. Sad mothers lose sight of that, like the woman in the mall you spoke of. Her inconsiderate attempt to nurse in public in a bold way really missed the point all together!
Ruth says:
Jan 6, 2012
I have nursed my babies everywhere – church, stores, on top of the Eiffel Tower, in the Louvre, on a boat in Amsterdam, etc. It is difficult to always predict when a baby will want to eat. BUT I always cover up and try to be as discreet as possible. I agree – It is natural, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs or wants to see it. I think the law should protect a breastfeeding mother’s rights, but that the mother should try to cover up. I have only ever been approached one time while breastfeeding. It was in an airport and a lactation consultant from the UK came up to me to ask where I had gotten my nursing cover – she had never seen one before and wanted to tell her clients about it so they would feel comfortable nursing in public.
Amy says:
Jan 6, 2012
I completely agree. There is nothing wrong with covering up a little – it doesn’t even have to include the baby (although both my kids were okay with nursing covers, not all kids are) – pull your shirt down at the back, sit down (if possible of course, but most times it is) and if you notice people are truly uncomfortable go somewhere else. Unless you HAVE to nurse in public why do it?
navyldsmom says:
Jan 8, 2012
I agree, a woman should cover up. Covering up is a sign of self-respect and kindness to those around her. I also must add that publicly breast feeding a child (not a baby) who is old enough to walk/talk/use the potty, etc. – it doesn’t matter how covered up you are, that is disturbing to many and since the child can eat other foods – the breast feeding should stay at home/private places.
Willow says:
Jan 9, 2012
A comment was made on your article in the deseret news that I liked. It said just because something is natural doesn’t meant it needs to be public. Breastfeeding a baby is wonderful and beautiful but it doesnt have to be out there for everyone to see. A little covering up is being considerate of others.
annhmartin says:
Jan 10, 2012
Thank you so much for your article! I wish that I had known about the nurse-in at the Targets. I am a really big into breastfeeding and it was my birthday, that would have been the best gift to myself that I could have thought of.
Breastfeeding is very natural but just like no one wants to see a teenage female half clothed we don’t want to breastfeeding moms half clothed either. One trick that I love to do to stay perfectly covered while breastfeeding my baby in public without a blanket (which I often do) is to wear a tank top underneath a regular shirt. When it is feeding time the shirt gets puller up, the tank top gets pulled down, baby latched and there is nothing to see.
Thanks for your story.
Heather says:
Apr 19, 2012
I totally understand your gut reaction – to this day, after extended nursing three children (yes, children who could walk – lol!), I feel slightly uncomfortable when I see a nursing woman’s breast. I wasn’t raised to be comfortable with feeding a baby naturally – unfortunately, my own mother was also made to feel that nursing was something to hide. I think it’s unfortunate to use public breastfeeding as an opportunity to judge another mother’s morals or character. I wholeheartedly believe that women who nurture their children to the best of their ability deserve my support! When I see a woman nursing in public, covered or not, I make it a point to smile warmly so she feels supported. New mothers have enough to worry about without wondering if another mother is judging the amount of skin she is showing, or where or how she is caring for her baby, or God forbid her “fleshy muffin top” (aka the miraculous body that helped to conceive, brought forth, and is sustaining an infant).
I hope that my daughters can grow to be mothers who nurture my grandchildren confidently and without concern for offending women who might criticize or condemn them. I wish we could save our judgements for people who neglect or harm children rather than those who are giving their babies the best care and nutrition this world can offer. After all, this is a forum for empowering moms, right?
As a side note – the woman in Target was wearing a nursing cover.