What Did You Just Say?

Image: Jeroen van Oostrom / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Why can’t you get up earlier?” “Look at that belly!” “I can’t believe you’re putting that junk food in your children’s lunch.” “No time to exercise again–you’re always running behind schedule.” “Why can’t you get the house clean the night before?” “Good moms don’t put their children in front of a screen while they get their paperwork done.”

This is just a sampling of some of the choice phrases I sometimes hear before 9am each day. Sounds like your worst nightmare of a mother-in-law in my kitchen, right? Nope. Just little ‘ole me talking to myself. How nice.

Negative self-talk is a pretty common behavior in a lot of mothers. (No numbers here, I’m simply drawing this conclusion from hundreds of conversations with other mothers.) I would venture to guess that many mothers have been plunging head first into this emotional death trap for so long they don’t even recognize it as an adverse behavior anymore. The voice of that ugly inner critic becomes like the news anchor on the radio–just background noise.

Do you and your children a favor: fire the inner critic and start modeling a healthy love of self by being kind to yourself–both inside your head and out! If you’ve got a bad case of undeserved self-loathing, decide now to nip that nasty habit in the bud. If for no other reason, do it for your children. Do you want your own children to grow up talking to themselves the way you talk to yourself? Well then, knock it off.

I know, easier said than done; this could take some serious re-training.That’s where another Power of Moms book review comes into play. Today’s review is for the book, “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” by Shad Helmstetter, and boy will it make you think twice about what you think! I purchased a used copy on amazon.com for next to nothing, and if negative self-talk is preventing you from loving yourself more generously, I highly recommend you do the same.

(The following is an excerpt from a review that was originally published on our website by April Perry.)

Basic summary:

The main idea of the book is that your brain is like a computer that acts on directions. You give it directions when you talk to yourself. The beginning of the book explains how your brain works (how your thoughts, feelings, and actions are all interrelated), and the remainder of the book gives you practical tips for changing your thoughts, and your life.

The part I liked best:

One idea that really helped me was how important it is to eliminate negative thinking and realize that when you’re just “having a down day,” you’re actually programming your brain to perpetuate the cycle. Here’s a quote I like from the book:

“Your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming–what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself! It is no longer a success theory. It is a simple but powerful fact. Neither luck nor desire has the slightest thing to do with it. It makes no difference whether you believe it or not. The brain simply ‘believes’ what you tell it most! And, what you tell it about YOU, it WILL create. It has no choice!” (p11-14).

How this book helped me to be a better mom:

Every time I recognize something I don’t like about my life, I think, “How can I reprogram myself so that I can get different results?”

QUESTION: What do you say to yourself during the day? Are you showing love to yourself and inspiring success through compliments, praise and encouragement, or knocking yourself down with insults, criticism, and discouragement?

CHALLENGE: Stop yourself when you start with the negative self-talk. Try to get comfortable lavishing yourself with compliments, praise and encouragement. You’ll be shocked at what a difference it makes!