Image by g.corrow / www.flickr.com
Hey Everyone! How is your summer going so far? I hope it’s been as wonderful as mine. Every year I forget how quickly they go by, and vow to myself to soak in every available moment.
Just thought I would share with you some of the things I have cooked up so far for teaching “Honesty”. Ironically, a few weeks before this month started, my 4-year-old son, Kolton, has started to tell little fibs. So the timing for this value has been just perfect!
For the first part of this month, I decided to focus on what the difference is between telling the truth and telling a lie. I also wanted to help my kids feel the good feelings you have when you are honest – even when it’s hard. And last, I wanted them to begin to understand how one lie leads to another, so it’s better to just tell the truth from the beginning.
We began by talking about “Happys and Sads” each night. It was an idea drawn from the Eyres’ website and so far, it’s been great. Each night, the boys tell me one happy and one sad thing that happened to them throughout the day. I think Micah, our 3-year-old, doesn’t quite understand it quite yet, but he’s been paying more and more attention to what Kolton says, so I think it will click for him soon.
Another thing we’ve done over and over is trying to point out the difference between truth and lies. We do this whenever we think about it throughout the day, and also when they are beginning to tell a lie, hopefully to motivate them to be honest. So far, there’s still quite a few attempts to tell a lie, but I think every day more and more the boys are understanding the importance of honesty. We have seen Kolton find the courage to tell the truth, even when he knows he’s going to have some consequences to face, and that’s been really rewarding to see him start to understand and make an effort to be honest, even when it’s hard. I think the thing that’s helped with that is giving him major positive reinforcement for telling the truth. That stuck out to me when I read the value this month also – to make sure that the rewards for being honest outweighed the consequences of whatever the child did wrong. It is so true! The “Honesty” book and CD from Brite has been used so much this month! Check it out – you’ll love it!
We’ve also planned a little Family Night lesson about Honesty. We will be doing it Tuesday with my mom’s family and all her kids. I am eager and excited to see how it goes. We are going to start off by having them tell us if something’s true or not true. Then we will change the “not trues” to “lies” and do a few more (i.e. “There is snow outside.” – lie “I am a Mommy.” – true, etc.) We will then explain how even if you will get in trouble, that telling the truth is always better than telling a lie. I have a couple life experiences from my childhood that I will be sharing with them to help them understand. We will also read a story about how lies can build….how one lie leads to another and another. During the story, we will spread out and toss a ball of yarn across the room, from person to person to create a “web of lies” to give the kids a good visual of “what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive”. Then I’ve organized a little treasure hunt where the little “clues” will be different scenarios in which they have to decide to tell the truth. Once they tell the truth, they will receive another clue. The end of the hunt is going to take them to the “treasure” of cupcakes we will be decorating as spiders. We will talk about how honor is one of the greatest treasures of all.
I hope this got your creative juices flowing. I was going to share more but I think I will hold off and first let you know how this little lesson goes. I am excited to try this, and also excited for your feedback. Does anyone have any great ideas or object lessons for honesty?
7 comments
Rachelle Heywood says:
Feb 6, 2012
Megan, Thank you so much for writing this! My 5 year old has been having a little bit of a hard time with honesty lately. I have been trying to think of different ways to help him understand how important it is to be honest. There are so many ways to teach this value and one of them is bound to click…right? I am definitely going to be using your family night lesson. Thank you! Thank you!
Mireille Koester says:
Feb 6, 2012
Amen. Teaching honesty is one of the most important values we need to transmit to our children, especially in today’s climate. I agree with everything that has been said, but I would like to add one insight for first-time-moms. “Fibbing” is a developmental stage and appears like clockwork to some degree around age four or five-ish in nearly all children . It really is! When my first child starting lying out of the blue, I had a crisis of conscience. I thought I had failed somehow and that it was all my fault. (Don’t we moms think everything is our fault!) Now that I’m more experienced, I have a more relaxed perspective. I have five kids and four of them have already passed through the “Mommy, I PROMISE that Lisa’s mom said I could have this doll to keep” stage. Never condone the lie, never ignore it, continue to teach the importance of honesty always, but DO NOT PANIC when your four-year-old suddenly starts telling whoppers of head-scratching proportion. Learning truth vs. error is a necessary part of a child’s development. It’s an attempt to bring order to their expanding universe. If you do your job right, Mom, this too shall pass. Just keep breathing.
Megan says:
Feb 6, 2012
Rachelle – Thank you! You will have to let me know how it goes. I have a few other ideas up my sleeve….I will post them sometime next week. I agree that it’s so important for children to understand honesty any why it’s so important. It seems to be becoming more and more rare these days. My mom was reading a message board once where a mother had gone to Target with her children and the checker had forgotten to scan a vaccuum. We were completely shocked, but she was posting a message asking other moms whether or not to return it. We were so appalled at how many mothers were encouraging her to keep it. Luckily, there were still far more honest moms. But it made me stop and think about how our children (and even others) are watching all the time, even when we don’t realize. I think that teaching honesty and integrity by example is the single best thing we can do to help our children realize its importance. I grew up with extremely honest parents, and I feel like it’s helped me so much throughout my childhood and also my adult life. I know you are an honest person if you are reading this, so just keep it up and I’m sure your children will see how important and valuable honesty is. Way to go, Mom!
Megan says:
Feb 6, 2012
I’m with you, Mireille. Fibbing is a stage. It’s funny, my little brothers (who are 4 1/2) and my son (who is 4) have all started fibbing in the last few months, but the younger ones haven’t figured it out yet. Seeing them all begin at once helped me realize that it’s a stage. In fact, I stole a pack of crayon gum from the grocery store when I was 4. Lucky for me, my mom caught me, marched right back in the store and helped me return it. She paid for it (and at that point I was thinking, “Score! I get to keep it!”), and much to my surprise, turned to me with a very angry face and threw that beautiful pack of gum right in the trash! She told me it was very wrong to steal and that she hoped I’d be more honest. Man oh man did I feel GUILTY! But, she was quick to forgive, and that little lesson in honesty is probably for me one of the single most important life lessons I got from my mother, along with her example to me of honesty…even when no one would know or care. I’m so thankful for that.
Reading the value this month, the thing that stuck out to me the most was making sre that the reward for being honest was greater than the consequence of whatever the bad decision was. I’ve been implementing that with my son and I really like it. I feel like every time I catch him in a lie, I have a moment where I can help him feel good to have to courage to come clean and choose to be honest. Watching him (over and over – oh well, it’s a stage right?
muster up the courage to tell me the truth when I know he’s scared is such a treasure. Watching him beam when I thank him for being honest, even when it’s hard, has been really neat to see.
Thank you for your words of encouragement! Don’t we all need that extra reassurance that we are doing okay? It’s so sweet of you to share your mothering expertise with us….it’s priceless.
Melanie Vilburn says:
Feb 6, 2012
Hi Megan, I’m using your article at my English Parenting Discussion Group tomorrow! Great stuff!
Megan says:
Feb 6, 2012
Melanie – I am curious….how did it go?
PS – anyone that reads this….I tried to make spider cupcakes with Hostess cupcakes (I just had a baby and didn’t really feel up to baking from scratch that day). It doesn’t work. The cupcakes fall apart. If you still want to try them, a homemade cupcake, oreo cookie, or round ice cream sandwich works great!
Melanie Vilburn says:
Feb 6, 2012
The class went great! Thanks for writing super articles! It’s great to have access to value promoting handouts that we can print out!