Thinking about thoughts sounds like a redundant statement, but it is an essential step when trying to make a lasting change. By beginning with an awareness of our thoughts, we can change from the inside out–from the thought to the behavior.
When only behavior is changed, we skip an important step that when overlooked could stop progression and put us right back where we started. It reminds me of a terribly long game of Chutes and Ladders! Just when you think you’ve got a win in the bag, that slippery slide sinks you down to where you “thought” you would never be again.
This month’s challenge: think about the thoughts you have about yourself.
Write down how you talk to yourself. Decide if you need to make some changes. You may find that you are naturally a positive thinker and that you have a healthy love for yourself, or you may discover that you didn’t know how many unhealthy thoughts were polluting your mind and that you need to start climbing up one of those ladders.
If or when you find a polluted thought, throw it in the unrecyclable trash bin and replace it with a shiny, new, beautiful one. Our lives don’t depend on a random spinner that determines whether we rise or fall. That’s entirely up to us.
To learn a little more about how you can trade out positive thoughts for negative ones, check out these articles:
(The Power of Moms gives a special thanks to Rachel LeBaron for writing this month’s Monthly Challenge. We appreciate you, Rachel!)
25 comments
Lindsay says:
May 21, 2012
Wow, this is so critical. I’ve been reading a book titled Change Your Questions & Change Your Life by Wendy Watson Nelson. She talks about changing the negative questions we ask ourselves for positive ones. I haven’t finished the book, but can already tell a difference in my life. Instead of asking myself, “if I had a list of all the things that drive me crazy, what would they be?”, I’m asking myself, “how has the Lord blessed me today?” or “what are the first things I say to those I love when I first see them?” Now, instead of greeting my husband with, “where have you been?” or “what took so long?”, I’m asking, “how was your day?” or “is there any way I can help you?” I truly believe thinking about our thoughts keeps us positive and we are more aware of the good things in our lives. We might see a greater change in our lives than we otherwise would, had we only focused on our actions.
Bonnie Willford says:
May 21, 2012
I think Dr. Lund explalins criticism the best.
Step One:
1. Is the criticism a part of my stewardship or my business?
2. Is the criticism not only true, but is it necessary?
Step Two:
3. Ask for and receive permission to criticize.
4. Be alone with the one being criticized at a mutually agreeable time and place.
5. Be in emotional control and logically explain your concern. No yelling, crying, swearing, physical or emotional intimidation. NOTE: If the person giving the criticism cannot divorce his/her feelings from the criticism, then the criticism should be written down rather than verbally delivered.
6. Stay focused on the issue or behavior. Do not attack self-worth. Separate the issue from their self-esteem.
Step Three:
sal-my-gal says:
May 21, 2012
I could probably benefit from this exercise. Now to find the time…
Janna says:
May 21, 2012
Rachel you did a good job on this article! It is even inspiring to me!! Keep up the good work!!
Rachel LeBaron says:
May 21, 2012
That’s awesome, Bonnie! What book is that from?
Rachel LeBaron says:
May 21, 2012
Lindsay, I’ve heard from one of my friends about that book and she said it was AMAZING. I have put it on my wish list. Thanks for sharing!
Rachel LeBaron says:
May 21, 2012
I hear you loud and clear, Sallie!
Rachel LeBaron says:
May 21, 2012
Janna, thanks! You are a great mother.
Jacki says:
May 21, 2012
So well written and so true! I’m gonna work on it!
Lynne says:
May 21, 2012
I love that you wrote about this wonderful concept and true principle. Because it’s easier to gravitate to “the natural man” inside ourselves, we need to “exercise” our positive thinking muscles so that it becomes an easier habit to be kind to ourselves. Maybe we should ask ourselves these questions, just as a reminder: Who is the source of good and who is the source of evil? Who loves us and wants us to be happy and who wants us to be unhappy?
Bonnie Willford says:
May 21, 2012
Dr. Lund’s talk on tape is where I remember it from and I copy and pasted it from a search. I know an even better one that includes his talk on marriage communication and talks from other marriage counselors as well and its called I Love You. You can get it at Seagull Book or Deseret Book. My fav! It has changed how I communicate and how I view a lot of things. He is amazing!
Bonnie Willford says:
May 21, 2012
And I need to say, Rachel, that this is very inspiring! I love it! Thank you for taking your time to share it with me.
Love ya!
Bonnie
Emily says:
May 21, 2012
Great advice, as always, from Rachel. Thanks for helping me be better.
Sara says:
May 21, 2012
I too have been reading “Change Your Questions, Change Your Life” By Wendy Watson Nelson. This book has already had a positive effect in my life and I’m only 1/4 of the way through it! I agree that when we engage in positive self talk we are healthier overall. Thanks for your thoughts Rachel! I am excited to read the articles that you posted and continue on my journey of positive thoughts and self-talk!
Kelsey says:
May 21, 2012
I love the picture you painted with the game chutes and ladders! It is true, we decide how we want to live our lives. Great challenge Rach!
Mylissa says:
May 21, 2012
Just what I needed to read…Thank you Rachel!
Bonnie Willford says:
May 21, 2012
That sounds like a great book! I think that criticism is like sarcasm. Sarcasm comes from the greek meaning to tare something down or rip at it’s flesh. Criticism seems the same way. It can tare us down and rip at our spirit. I think that at times though it can empower us to change for the better if the criticism is really true that we observe about ourselves. Dr. Lund says there is no such thing as constructive criticism. It will hurt but how bad…a 3…maybe a 10. So maybe it is okay to set a timer for 5 minutes a day and ask ourselves what we want to change and just let those five minutes be the only time we allow a good scope of how we are doing. I love the articles about and thank you, Rachel for inviting me to share and to take those thoughts in.
Kimber says:
May 21, 2012
Great thoughts from an inspiring women. Always the leader in a positive change. Thank you!
Rachel LeBaron says:
May 21, 2012
Thank you for sharing your wonderful thougts, Bonnie.
Amanda says:
May 21, 2012
As a brand new mom, I am learning about the reality and near inevitability of Mom Guilt. I need to remember to think good thoughts!
Lisa says:
May 21, 2012
What great advice!
Heidi Brown Kulinski says:
May 21, 2012
Inspiring! It can be a daily challenge to be an excellent mom. I find I am on the constant ladder to have more patience, etc with my two boys. It is great to have the support of other mothers.
Alaina says:
May 21, 2012
Thank you for the reminder of how important this is! I’m glad to call you my cousin.
Jamey Snyder says:
May 21, 2012
Something else (I try to remember but don’t always succeed) is when I really do have something that hits me where I AM failing is to build myself up. For every negative thought or constructive criticism I try to come up with at least 3 positive thoughts or affirmations. I use this with myself some (usually don’t think about it) but MOSTLY with my kids and husband. IF I feel I have to say something to them, I try to praise before and after. I notice that my son and I communicate better with eachother that way…He even does it when he talks to me sometimes.
Thanks Rachel, for inviting me to read this…sorry it took me so long to get to it, it is well worth the time!
Kristen says:
Feb 5, 2001
Rachel, I was just talking to one of my kids today about the importance of thinking and speaking positively! I realized as I was lecturing her, that I need to be very well aware of my own thoughts and words, so that I can set a good example. Thanks for the pointers!