Mommy’s Naptime 101

I know what you might be thinking:  “Naps for ME?  I don’t think that’s possible!”  As a mother of four children who has taken a nap just about every day for the past fifteen years, I understand I am an anomaly.  It has taken me awhile to get this article written because I have had to work around my naps, but my hope is that by the time you finish reading this, you will be committed to and equipped with information for getting more sleep (or simply for getting more time to yourself).

As a disclaimer, I recognize that napping is virtually impossible for some people.  For those of you who may be in extremely challenging circumstances—with hardly a minute of unclaimed time—I hope that the ideas here will offer some ways to take care of yourselves and get the rest you deserve.  You are the ones who probably need naps the most!  For others who get plenty of sleep at night but might want some “think time” or quiet time to complete projects during the day, or for those who are exhausted and desperately need more time to nod off, this is the article for you!  Taking care of our physical and mental selves is an investment in our families, and though it will take a little creativity and commitment, it will pay off.

Are you ready?  Let the naptime training begin!

First, Some Basic Napping Ideas

(1) Mothers need rest and “down time.”  According to the experts, eight and a half hours is the ideal amount.  If you can get it all at once, great!  If not, naps are the solution!  We are “on” 24/7, and although it would be nice if we didn’t need to refuel, that is not the case.  Cars need gas, batteries need to be charged, and all human beings need sufficient rest.  Yes, that includes you. 

(2) Biologically, we were made to take an afternoon nap.  If you don’t believe me, see this article. Some people really do not like to sleep during the day, which is absolutely fine, but for those of us who do, it is perfectly acceptable.  Many cultures encourage afternoon rests, but here in the States it is sometimes seen as a weakness if a mother takes a nap.  Let them call us weak.  We can run ourselves into the ground and turn into the grumpiest of women, or we can rest when we are tired and reap the benefits of happiness and good health.  I choose rest.  Are you with me?

(3)  Napping is a proven health benefit.  A recent study found that women who napped at least three times per week for an average of 30 minutes had a 37 percent lower coronary mortality risk than those who took no naps.  In English?  You’re much less likely to die of heart problems if you become a regular napper.  Another study by NASA showed that a nap of 26 minutes can boost performance by as much as 34 percent.  It may seem as though we will fall behind if we take time to rest, but the statistics show (and I’ll confirm from experience) that we actually become more productive. Write these facts down and whip them out if a nap-critic gives you a sidelong glance!

(4) A mother loses about 350 hours of sleep at night over her baby’s first year.  Does that number shock anyone else?  Okay, so I have had four children.  That makes 1400 hours of lost sleep—and that is just for one year of each of their lives!  Add on the sleepless nights of pregnancy, months with teething babies, bouts of the stomach flu, bed-wetting, nightmares, and sleep-walkers, and it is quite amazing that mothers sleep at all.  Taking naps is not stealing time away from our families.  It is making up for all the hours we have sacrificed–and don’t you think it’s fair if we charge a little interest?  Extra naps for everybody—on the house!

My Napping Philosophy

Naptime makes me happy.  All right, it might sound silly, but that is why I nap.  I feel happy when I am rested.  I am also healthier, I am in a good mood most of the time, I don’t feel the need to yell, I feel romantic, I have energy for my husband, the world doesn’t seem like such a bad place, I enjoy my family, and I don’t feel overwhelmed. Take my naps away, and I am the exact opposite of the above.  It’s not a pretty sight.  Now, because napping does make me so happy…

Naptime is an appointment every day.  This is just as important as a doctor appointment or a business meeting.  It is often flexible, depending on my children and other activities for the day, but the only reason I cancel naptime is if there is an emergency…or a fun day trip, but you get the picture. 

It is tempting to accept other commitments, but every time I do, I turn into a monster by dinnertime.  When the choice presents itself, I have to think, “I need to rest this afternoon so I will be kind to my family tonight.”  Generally, that’s enough motivation for me.

Here are a couple of ideas if you work full-time or part-time outside your home:

• Use your breaks for your naps.  My dad is the king here.  He learned in the army to take a 9 ½-minute nap on a 10-minute break.  As an architect, he would sneak out to his car, recline the seat, and take little cat naps during the day.  When I worked at a call center in college, I arranged to sit in a corner cubicle, where I could nap with my head on my desk (or under my desk if no one was around).
• Find a sleeping spot to use for extended naps:  Some corporations actually have “nap rooms,” but that is definitely not the norm.  In high school I convinced my drama teacher to let me keep a sleeping bag and pillow in the dressing area, and I would take a little nap in the theater every sixth period when no one was there.  In college, I napped in quiet study areas for ten or twenty minutes at a time with my backpack as my pillow.  Just remember to set the alarm on your watch or cell phone so you’ll wake up in time.  Or, if you don’t have an alarm, sleep in a high-traffic area with a sign taped to your shirt that reads, “Please wake me up at 2:15.”

If you really want the rest, you can come up with some way to get it.  You must, however, remember that…

Naptime and guilt are not friends.  I need to emphasize this point:  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF.  You need time that is all yours.  I was talking to my friend Erin the other day, and she reminded me that we, as mothers, devote our whole lives to our children.  We cannot let ourselves feel guilty for one minute if we are taking a couple of hours to become rejuvenated.  Release the guilt.  Your time with your family will be more fulfilling when you are rested, and you will get more done overall (remember that study?).  There is no reward at the end of the day for the mother who got by on the least amount of sleep.  Tell yourself right now, “I deserve rest.  I can have some time each day that is just for me.”  If you need to do so, write that down and tape it to your mirror so you can remember it each day.

Simplify your schedule.  By napping more, you may need to do less.  Cut down on some of your children’s extra-curriculars, organize your shopping so you only go into a store a few times a month, and learn to say no to things that don’t really matter (or to things that can be accomplished during non-nap hours).  These are suggestions you have been hearing for years.  Now is the time to do—or stop doing—them. 

It takes confidence to slow down.  Some mothers genuinely have to work their fingers to the bone just to keep a roof over their family and food on the table, but many of us move like the Road Runner trying to do things that are really non-essential.  At the heart of simplification are the questions, “Do I know how valuable I really am?  Do I think I need to run around crazy because I am afraid that people will think poorly of me (or I will think poorly of myself) if I don’t achieve as much?”  Ask yourself the hard questions, and start slashing your schedule.  It might take awhile to get used to all your extra time, but your body (and your family) will thank you.

Be “there” when you are awake.  One of the reasons I don’t feel guilty about taking time for myself is because when I am “on duty,” I make the most of it.  Certainly, I am not perfect at this, but it isn’t too difficult to talk to your children, involve them, hug them, love them, and be available.  Make wake-time happy time.  Then after you’ve been dishing out all that love, you can smile and say, “All right, it’s time for Mommy’s quiet time!” 

When I say “be there,” I do not mean to suggest that you are required to entertain your children whenever you are with them. There is this idea floating around out that “good” moms spend all day making crafts with their children, rolling ski-balls at Chuck E. Cheese, kicking a soccer ball at the park, and playing Candyland.  Then when the children are asleep, it’s time for Mommy to do the housework.  Sorry, but I just can’t keep up with that.  I love to play with my children (and we do play often), but there is also a lot of work to be done.  We do it together.

During our wake times, we clean together as a family (even a one-year-old can help dust!), we chat while I cook, we organize cupboards, wash the car, run errands, etc.  Children like to be involved and just want to be with you while you do what needs to be done.  Playing with our children is great, but we can play while we work.  I tell them stories about when they were little, turn on some fun music, laugh, listen, and enjoy their sweetness.  That way, the housework gets done, the children are happy, and then when it’s time to rest, we all rest. 

Creatively work with your responsibilities.  Mothers are jugglers.  Even if you simplify like nobody’s business, life is going to sneak up on you and try to destroy all napping possibilities.  Don’t let it get you down—just work with it.  I have arranged carpools with neighbors so I can do the morning drop-off and avoid waking up a sleeping baby for an after-school pick-up.  Sometimes, on busy days, I get help from a young girl in the neighborhood who can play with my children while I sneak in a late nap.  Often I can do something the night before that will free up my naptime for the following day.  Planning ahead is essential to me because I love the feeling of rest, and I detest the tired, frustrated side of me that emerges when I am short on sleep.  She really isn’t welcome in our home.

Decide which hours are “mom” hours and which hours are “me” hours.  If we simply let nature take its course, all hours are “mom” hours.  We have to be realistic here, but as your family life gets into a rhythm, you can decide which hours of the day can most easily become your own.  My way of doing things might not work for your schedule, but it may spark some ideas. 

Here’s a typical daily schedule.  I am “on” duty from 7 am to 7 pm, with breaks from 9-10 and 1-3.  This works about 75% of the time, and my family is nice enough to go along with it.  If a child is sick, or if I am nursing a newborn, this becomes a very vague guide, but generally abiding by this schedule lets my sanity be my constant companion.

My children wake up between 5:30 and 6:30, but they know I don’t start talking until 7:00.  They color, watch cartoons, or play quietly until they know I’m ready to be mommy.  Then I can happily say, “Good morning!” and we’re ready to go.  At nighttime, if they are not tired by 7, they are more than welcome to read, listen to music, or play nicely in their rooms.  We get all the bedtime stories and evening activities done by 7, and then I have time each night to think, spend time with my husband, take a bath, or get some work done on my projects.  I know 7:00 is an early bedtime, but it works since my children are still young.  An early bedtime helps them to be well-rested, and then I get the opportunity to feel like a human being.  Sometimes we all stay up late together, and on occasion we have an evening activity that we will all attend, but for the most part, the Perrys shut down early…and I really like it that way.

The daytime breaks, 9-10 and 1-3, are generally when my babies will nap.  All children who are home, however, take quiet times during these hours (or sleep, if they’d like).  A quiet time means the child is in a room/area by his or herself.  It’s not a punishment, it’s just time for the child to get to play or sleep.  It’s so good for children to learn to entertain themselves and to have their own down-time or napt time!  During the first quiet time, I do work such as phone calls, emails, bill-paying, etc.  During the second quiet time, I sleep.  It’s lovely.

Teach your children to love quiet time.  This is probably the hardest part, but my children really have come to love quiet time.  They put themselves into their rooms now.  Quiet times are non-negotiable, fixed activities.  It is simply what we do.  I’m going to include a few suggestions here that have helped me teach my children to observe this family ritual:

• Pick a “quiet time space” for each child.  Newborns join me for naptime, but once my babies can play with toys and/or sleep on their own, we separate (otherwise I can’t sleep).  Some of my children share rooms, so for quiet time, I’ll let my oldest child color, read, or play in our office, set up a fun play area in the family room for my kindergartner, and let the other two be in their own rooms.   This space is theirs for the whole quiet time.   They can obviously leave it to use the bathroom or come get me if they have a real problem, but if they start wandering around the house or wake me up for a non-emergency, then the rule is that they have to join me in sleep.  My older children really don’t want to sleep during the day, so they are really obedient during their quiet times.

• Make sure the space is pleasant.  During my first trimester with my last pregnancy, our house kind of turned into a pit.  No one wanted to have quiet time in their rooms because there was clutter everywhere, so as soon as I could stand up without gagging, we made some improvements.  My children like to be in their rooms when they are clean, safe, well-lit, warm enough/cool enough, and stocked with fun activities.  This takes effort, but it’s worth it.  This is where they get to use their imaginations—I want them to love their rooms! 

• Prepare fun, age-appropriate activities.  This is probably the most important part of quiet time.  Obviously, if I want time to rest and think, my children need to have something to do.  Over the years, we have collected several boxes of toys, organized and stored in sets, which provide hours of creative play.  These boxes are kept up high, and before each quiet time, I ask my children which ones they want for that day.  They’ll pick two or three activities that will keep them busy, and then they clean them up when quiet time is over.  My oldest daughter would pick ten things when she was younger, and she would lay them out in the order that she wanted to play with them.   Some of our favorites have been several sets of Mr. Potato Head, Little People, My Little Ponies, Marbleworks (for those who won’t eat the marbles), train sets, Legos, Magnetix, blocks, flannel storybooks, little dolls/dollhouses, cars and car tracks, and tinker toys.  As my children get older, they like to read, color, write poems, work on homework, etc.  It’s amazing to see their creations.

• Anticipate snack and potty needs.  Before I can actually sleep, I like to be sure that no one is going to have a messy diaper or need something to eat.  We usually all eat a good lunch together, and then I’ll get a fun snack ready that my children can look forward to once they’ve successfully completed their quiet time.  It’s a great incentive:  “I know this looks tasty.  I bet you can have some if you let Mommy get a good rest!”  Sometimes I also let them take a non-messy snack into their quiet time space—like a little bag of Cheerios or a stick of celery (we minimize the snacks, though, and certainly try to prevent any choking hazards). As far as the “potty” needs go, I’ve learned to check on my non-sleeping, diapered children about 20 minutes into the quiet time.  They’ve usually got a little surprise for me.  The older children are simply encouraged to use the bathroom first so they don’t need to be opening or slamming doors when someone in the house is asleep.

• Invest in a few sound machines.  These are my absolute favorite!  We have one in every room–they are white noise makers (costing about $15.00 each) that include a variety of sounds and an optional timer.  My children can’t hear each other when they have sound machines going, so the sleeping ones can sleep, and the playing ones can play.  I set the timer for an hour, and when the sound machine turns off, that means the child can clean up the toys and head out to the family room for a snack and part two of quiet time.  My older children, who can tell time, don’t need them as much, but three- to five-year-olds love them!

• Use the TV sparingly.  We do have a television, and I let my children watch certain shows or videos, but I don’t generally use the TV during quiet time.  I’ve found that it makes my children cranky, but imaginative play leaves them feeling refreshed.  Sometimes I’ll say, “You get one hour of quiet time, and then you can watch a show.”  That way, I can sleep for an hour and a half, but my children are only watching 30 minutes of TV.  Clearly, every family is different—do what works for you!

• Coordinate naptime schedules.  Sometimes children will get on opposite schedules: a baby wants to nap at 12, a preschooler wants to nap at 2.  That leaves Mommy awake all day.  Try to make sure everyone goes to sleep at the same time.  You might need to hold off a baby’s nap and endure a little while of “the crankies,” but that, to me, is better than giving up my own rest.  I want my babies to have memories of a nice mom, and I can usually distract them to keep them up awhile longer.  This is the main reason why we started the morning and afternoon quiet times.  An hour of crib/play time seemed to take the edge off for my little ones who were only sleeping once a day.  Then we were all ready to sleep in the afternoon.

• Discipline with love.  It might take several weeks of nap training before your children will stay in their rooms and/or sleep when they need it.  One of my favorite parenting books, Parenting With Love and Logic, helped me to teach my children our family rules without having to get upset with them.  What works for us is when I describe the consequences:  “If you come out of your room before it’s time, I start the timer all over again.”  Or, “If you choose not to nap, but then behave badly later this afternoon, you have a 6:30 bedtime.”  I also try to offer choices.  I ask my older children, “Do you want to take a nap with me today, or would you like a quiet time?”  I never have to yell or spank or get mad, I just give them choices, explain the consequences, and then follow through.  This website is not meant to discuss child-rearing techniques—I have just noticed that when I am able to calmly explain my expectations, I can rest more peacefully.

Take your rest in a strategic spot.  My biggest concern when I sleep is the safety of my children.  I’m a very light sleeper, so I notice every cough or door-knob turn, but if you have a large home, or if you are a sound sleeper, sleep where you will be able to respond to your children’s needs.  For a couple of months, my three-year-old kept coming out of his room and going downstairs, so I slept in the living room to make sure he didn’t find a way to “escape.”  I keep my door open and make sure I will hear the baby, etc.  Although naptime lasts for a couple of hours, I only sleep for an average of 45 to 60 minutes each day—and we’ve all made it through. 

Learn to relax.  One of the hardest things for mothers to do is shut down our minds.  There are lots of great relaxation techniques available on the Internet, and I have used several of them.  What helps me most, though, is having a plan for when I will get things done so I don’t have to stress about them while I rest.  For example, if I have a business document that needs to be put together by the end of the week, I will schedule one quiet time hour and two evening hours that week to work on it, and then I will forget about it until it’s time.  Having a detailed calendar is a lifesaver for me because otherwise I live in constant fear that I am forgetting something.  Once you have made sure you have nothing pressing, tell yourself you deserve a break, and you are not going to ruin your naptime with worry. 

Spend one-on-one time with your children while everyone is awake.  When you have more than one child, you will most likely want to spend quality time with the older one(s) while the baby is asleep.  Sometimes I’ll spend the first ten minutes of quiet time reading to my older children or helping them with a special project, but I have found the best success when I rotate quality time while we’re all awake.  For example, after our morning clean-up, I’ll let our baby play with some toys in the living room while I do some fun crafts with my older three.  When I had three preschoolers at home, I would work alongside each child for fifteen or twenty minutes while we accomplished our housework.  That way, I got to talk to them, enjoy their company, and get things done.  My husband and I also take our children out on individual dates, so they know they are absolutely important to us.  Because I get a nap every day, I like the companionship of my children during the rest of the day.  When I am not rested, I want to be alone, and I feel annoyed by the constant chatter.  Again, sleep is the key here. 

So when do you get everything else done?  There is a lot to do each day.  Besides the basic housework, important relationships, employment needs, and desk work, we want to have time to exercise, read, and work on projects.  Most women use naptime to get these projects done, which is completely understandable.  If your nighttime sleep is sufficient, then naptime is the best time to do everything else.  I have had to develop my own routine, as will every mother, but basically, here is what I do. 

(1)   As mentioned before, I use my first quiet time for work that requires the most brain power.  Then I work for the first 20 minutes of the afternoon naptime, sleep for the next 45 minutes, and then wake up to work for the final few minutes.

(2)   After lunch, and before naptime, there is usually about an hour where my children will play nicely nearby while I get stuff done.  This is usually when I make phone calls and do more active tasks.

(3)   If I have the energy, I wake up early—around 6, so I have an hour to exercise and/or prepare spiritually for my day.

(4)   I get to work immediately at 7 pm—as soon as everyone is happily in their rooms.  Then I balance the rest of my evening with my husband’s schedule, so we can be together as much as possible. 

(5)   I apply “de-junking” principles to my home and try to keep things streamlined and easily clean-able.  There are tons of great books out there for that.  Having routines for housework has been a life-saver.  The whole family helps keep things looking nice so I don’t have a messy house hanging over my head while I sleep.

(6)   I multi-task and involve my children as much as possible—we are busy during the days, and I try not to put too many things on my task lists, but when we’re all awake, we do group tasks, and when I am off duty, I do my own personal tasks.  The point of all this is to enjoy the process, enjoy your family, and accomplish what needs to get done.  It isn’t easy, but it’s possible.

I hope this article has been somewhat helpful to you.  Everyone’s family and life is different, and we have to figure out what will work for us, but at least one principle is true—no matter who you are.  You need rest.  I know life gets tough sometimes.  I have my rough moments just like everybody else, but when I make rest and rejuvenation a priority, I am a little more fearless, and a lot more pleasant to be around.  I wish you the best in your napping!

QUESTION:   How do you fit naps into your busy days? 

CHALLENGE: Choose just one simple way to incorporate a little more quiet time into your schedule.  You can either use it to nap, read, or just get something done you’ve been dying to accomplish.

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